loving the complainer

What do you do when find yourself caught up on the unknown path of faith where there is no map? We find ourselves in this place today. Having tried a small home bible study and failed miserably in conventional measurements, we are still traveling down the path looking for the possibilities of growing new relationships. Surely the Great Map Maker hasn’t left us out here to wonder aimlessly and to shrivel up. Is this what it felt like for my ancient brothers and sisters who traveled in the wilderness for 40 years while Yahweh was molding them into a nation?

Wikipedia has some interesting commentary on the Exodus. Having done some study over the years on the people of the Exodus, I considered them to be a bunch of whiners. Now I find myself one of the chief whiners. This journey is so HARD! It’s like breaking a habit, one that on the surface seems harmless. After living on the accolades of man to sustain our soul, we are looking to the Trinity to affirm our being. I know God has heard our complaining, we are dying over here! We are walking the Exodus story, it’s their story, and it’s our story. The scriptures are not just a bunch of things that happened; it’s a bunch of things that are happening, and they are happening to us now!

What is the manna and quail? What has been the spiritual nourishment while we have been the desert of life? Anne, David & Melissa, Rob, Gaston, Karen, Jeff, Dustin, Rod, you have been the spiritual nourishment of Jesus people loving the complainers. Through your comments, calls, blogs, and IM, you have helped us wrestle with “what is it” questions. We deeply appreciate each one of you! If you could only know how each one of you have held us together, while it seemed like we were coming loose at the seams. We long to be with each of you face to face. You have truly embodied, as the zoo people say, “on earth as it is in Heaven.”

May we stand together on the Mount as the Lord of Heaven and Earth proclaims over us You Are My People! I AM your GOD!

do you have roaming?

Look around. We have become a mobile society. Every day we are bombarded with advertisements of the latest technology that will allow you to “take it with you.” From the RAZR to the iPod to Instant Messenger, even though you may be “away,” you are still connected with the people and things you associate yourself with. It used to be when you were in your car traveling you were simply unavailable, but now you are accessible as long as your battery is charged. Thank you to Rod Brace who charged my batteries to write this blog.

Why were these devices invented? We, as human, are intrinsically created as communal beings. From deep within our DNA, we have the desire to be connected. This desire drives our thoughts, actions and imagination, the desire to be connected, but yet as one airline company touts, “you are now free to roam about the globe.”

The question is: If we are constantly on the go, have we become less of ourselves? That may sound like a very strange question; so let’s try to rephrase it. Am I defined by where I am? In the past people have been known for who they are by geographical or physical location. But more recently, within the last 50 years because of mobility, people can be away from their “homeland” and still be wholly and completely themselves. An example would be, are the Harlem Globe Trotters less the Harlem Globe Trotters if they aren’t in Harlem? No. They are known by what they do. Another example of a people group who remained a people no matter of the geographical location is the Jews. These fellow men were a nomadic people. Whether in captivity or free, they were still the Jewish people. It was their actions and faith that defined who they were. Have we become Digital Nomads? Are we a people followed by the “largest digital network?” I guess that only applies if you have Verizon.

Now in a thriving mobile society, there seems to be a state of confusion for a lot of people who used to identify themselves with buildings, turf or labels. For those looking from outside, these identity-crisis people make other assumed identity people very nervous. Barna, one research group, estimates these identity-searching souls to be around 20 million. Closely related to their Jewish brother and sisters, they seek to find their identity not in buildings or services but rather in actions of service inspired by faith, hope, and love. In doing so, they have come alongside a movement that is as old as the Earth itself. They have become participants in The Sacred Project, a project that found its birth in the heart of God lived out in perfect demonstration by Jesus Christ. Throughout history many people have had a hard time with the followers of Jesus, yet very few have had a problem with the compassionate Jesus himself. Maybe these passionate seekers of community are trying to reclaim and restore the Spirit of Christ everywhere they go, not just calling people to come in and get the message, but to go mobile and allow the spirit of service and compassion to naturally germinate and cultivate everyone into life-long relationships where something unexplainable happens. People who once perceived life as futile, or who had no hope, or whom were so broken in spirit were contemplating suicide, now find themselves embraced by a love, a compassion, and a justice that breathes new life into their very soul.

So what does this mobile gospel look like? One piece of the puzzle looks like volunteerism. Volunteering as a teacher’s aid, or writing the neighborhood newsletter, or teaching the elderly how to use a computer at our local library are the avenues of service that my wife and I have found to be the most natural way to serve in our local context of community. When we serve out of a genuine desire to help, it creates space for something special to happen. On the other hand, if we were to volunteer out of a materialistic sense of personal gain or some kind of social status elevation, there is less room for organic faith to grow. We find ourselves stumbling through all of this wondering if anything is really happening. If we were to see with the eyes of the divine, I think we would see at least the fruit of genuine kindness and that is a beginning. When we are serving the people of the community around us through these various roles, we have taken The Message mobile. In essence, we can take it with us where ever we go.

May you type “LOVE” into your internal search engine and hit “GO!”

what to wear today?

This morning I was trying to find a green shirt to wear for St. Patrick’s Day. I guess I still have flashbacks as a middle school kid and getting pinched for not wearing green. I can’t help but to think about St. Patty’s Day falling in the middle of Lent. Does it matter?

I think St. Patrick thought about what he might clothe himself with. Here is his poem prayer from 433:

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
I believe the Trinity in the UnityThe Creator of the Universe.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.
I bind to myself todayT
he virtue of the love of seraphim,
In the obedience of angels,
In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
In prayers of Patriarchs,
In predictions of Prophets,
In preaching of Apostles,
In faith of Confessors,
In purity of holy Virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I bind to myself todayThe power of Heaven,
The light of the sun,
The brightness of the moon,
The splendour of fire,
The flashing of lightning,
The swiftness of wind,
The depth of sea,
The stability of earth,
The compactness of rocks.

I bind to myself today
God's Power to guide me,
God's Might to uphold me,
God's Wisdom to teach me,
God's Eye to watch over me,
God's Ear to hear me,
God's Word to give me speech,
God's Hand to guide me,
God's Way to lie before me,
God's Shield to shelter me,
God's Host to secure me,
Against the snares of demons,
Against the seductions of vices,
Against the lusts of nature,
Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
Whether far or near,Whether few or with many.

I invoke today all these virtues
Against every hostile merciless power
Which may assail my body and my soul,
Against the incantations of false prophets,
Against the black laws of heathenism,
Against the false laws of heresy,
Against the deceits of idolatry,
Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.

Christ, protect me todayAgainst every poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against death-wound,
That I may receive abundant reward.

Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ within me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ at my right,
Christ at my left,
Christ in the fort,
Christ in the chariot seat,
Christ in the poop [deck],
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

Here is another writer, St. Paul, who also gives great advice on what to wear:

“Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing. From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.” Colossians 3 (from The Message)

I am so glad that I found my green shirt today. May it remind me of my brother in the faith, St. Patrick of Ireland, who was once in chains (like Paul), and broke free to go and love his fellow man in service of the sacred mission.

Alex and David part 2

Attention all passengers of Flight 747 to Denver, due to weather conditions Flight 747 has been delayed…

David let out a sigh of frustration. Alex asked if that was his flight. David responded that it was. David was on his way to Cellular Expo 06 in Denver. He was an aspiring designer of a new kind of cellular device. He had been working for many months on his concept and was going to the Expo to share his vision with anyone who would listen.

About that time a 5 second sound bit of U2’s Sometimes You can’t make it on your own played out of nowhere. Alex reached inside his denim jacket and pulled out his cell phone.

Hello...

Lent is difficult

For me Lent has been a reminder of my brokenness. Broken thoughts. Broken speech. Broken actions. Lent is an individual journey, but I think it is something that can be shared with someone close, if you are willing to enter into it whole heartedly.

The closest person that I can tell my deep dark struggles is my wife. We have come to the place where we are giving each other room to stumble into the mystery of faith. There is no pretending or putting on the mask. Vulnerability is a scary proposition for anyone.

Am I willing to risk the loss of my most treasured friend by disclosing the underground world of my temptations? As I enter into the confessional space with my soul mate, the questions of doubt roll of my tongue. The little voice in my mind tells me she will not understand, she will think less of me, she will think I am weak. Don’t go there!!!

In fear and trembling I confess the ever subtle shades of evil that lurk in my heart. Almost immediately I am internally confronted with accusations of failure and disappointment. Once again I am a child, asking the question, will you still love me if you know what is deep down inside?

Lent is difficult. Sharing this Lent season with my wife may be the closest understanding I can comprehend of the grace of God. A grace made known in the life, death, and resurrection in Jesus Christ. There must be a deep connection between an honest marriage where grace and mercy abound. Just as Darla gives me space to fall, Jesus gives me the stumbling space to explore the fullness of his mercy. Confessional space is where his heart finds mine and we are reconciled to one another. In him the accusations are dispelled and I am found again. I am truly loved beyond all I can comprehend. In my tears, the waves of forgiveness roll in and I swept into his Love.

There is nothing that can separate me from the love of Christ.

May you come to know again the joy of your salvation in this season of Lent.

post this on all the blogs

Dear friends,

Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God's righteousness doesn't grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.

Paul to the people of God in Colosse

Friday is garbage day for our neighborhood, may it also be for me today. AMEN

clutter and clean

Wow this weekend was so beautiful. Dirt, grime, mildew, all made for one disgusting weekend. One part bleach, one part JoMax, and three parts water, and BAMM you’ve got yourself one heck of an aluminum siding cleaning solution. As I sprayed the side of the house, I watched the grime and mildew melt away. Once I began, cleaning became almost therapeutic. I was determined to finish the project last night, even with having to make a trip to the grocery store for more bleach. As the last bit of sunlight faded, I rinsed the last coat off. It was finished. Or at least we are now ready to work on the next project.

While I was at work on the outside, Darla was busy at work on the inside. Deep cleaning in the closets can be a daunting task. Where do you start? Two thirty gallon bags later, she emerged from the kid’s room. Simplify. That is the way to go.

I can’t help but to see that what we do in our physical life has some reflection as to what is happening on our spiritual journey. I would have rather played golf and I am sure Darla had other things she would rather do than clean the house. Cleansing and simplifying must be spiritual disciplines. Not that we are completely clean and have simplified every area of our life, but at least we are on the journey together.

i love the library

“The burning bush was not a miracle. It was a test. God wanted to find out whether or not Moses could pay attention to something for more than a few minutes. When Moses did, God spoke.

The trick is to pay attention to what is going on around you long enough to behold the miracle with out falling asleep. There is another world, right here within this one, whenever we pay attention.” Rabbi Lawrence Kushner 

small but deep fractures

Of course the first day of lent will start off good, then at some point eventually turn south. Mostly because I have such strong convictions to do the right thing, but my life is so delicately woven together made up of tiny fractures, eventually I have this sense that things could be falling apart.

It is amazing to me how small those splinters are but how they seem to be so distinctive and so deep within us. One of my fractures is the fear of disappointing others, becasue I have been disappointed before. I find myself willing to go to just about any extreme to avoid having to disappoint someone.

I may leave out a minor detail or present an idea only sharing one side of the equation or intentionally withholding information so that the possiblity of someone being hurt or disappointed by the hard truth won't be so hard.

I can remember as a 9-10yr old wanting something so bad, that I stole money from my dad's coin drawer to pay for it. When I was caught, I didn't want him to think less of me so I lied to prevent him from thinking less of me. That is a deep crack covered by almost 30 years of life. And for what ever reason, the first day of Lent I return to that crack and to how deep it runs. Yesterday I had to tell one of our vendors at the office that we are leaving them for a competitor due to cost and more advanced technology. I could hear the disappointment in his voice and all at once I was that 9 yr old boy again. Can the One who suffered take that from the deepest part of my soul? Oh how I would love for that fracture to be finally "set" as a broken bone of life.

And here is today's reading from the Mars Hill Lent booklet:

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts F97 ; you teach F98 me wisdom in the inmost place. 7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. "

The lament of David... Psalm 51 NIV 

a season of anticipation and restoration

Today is the beginning of the season of Lent. I have never really appreciated this time of the year. Yesterday my first born child came home very excited about Lent, she said her teacher (in public school) had explained why Lent was observed. She was stirred with passion. Because of her initiation, we are observing Lent as a family.

For me Lent has been about giving something up over a 40 day period, like chocolate or fatty foods. After listening to the Lent discussion from Mars Hill (Grand Rapids) I am coming to an awareness that Lent is about something greater. If God’s big project is about bringing wholeness to a broken people, then Lent is an anticipation of that work realized in His Son Jesus Christ. I am asking myself, where am I most broken on the inside from the Hope that is promised? Many of you know of my bout with jealousy, I am giving that over to Him, because I don’t know how to give it up. I want to be restored and completely made whole from that self-inflicted wound.

Today on the way into work, I got a three wick candle to illuminate my way as I go through the work day. It is a reminder for me that I am being restored moment by moment.

May the scent of the LORD be upon you and guide you through the deepest journey of forgiveness and mercy. May the nostrils of your soul breathe in and out the goodness of Yahweh. May your light shine the Glory of the One who holds all things together. Amen

eavesdropping on Alex and David

While sipping on a latte at Starbuck’s in the Atlanta airport, David, among many others, was waiting for his connecting flight. After a few minutes he noticed a young man sitting next to him reading a book with a green apple on the front. Alex saw David looking at his book and introduced himself.

Alex was born in the late seventies in the south part of Michigan. Alex’s mother was a nurse at St. John’s Hospital and his father was a professor of Philosophy at Calvin College. David was born in New Orleans in the late sixties; his mother was a choral teacher at Andrew Bell High School and his father was a territorial sales rep for Sysco Foods, a dry foods company serving the tri-state area.

They talked about all kinds of topics, school, family, work. Eventually David asked what Alex was reading. It was called Freakonomics. David wasn’t a big reader, but even if he was that title would probably not be on the top of the list.

Interrupting their conversation, there was an announcement…

got any batteries for that thing?

“You don’t buy a flashlight to stare at the bulb. The purpose of a lamp is not to illuminate itself but other things. Similarly, apart from its revelation of God, God’s Word is meant to be a light on creation, helping us to see properly the World that God has made.

If we walk at night we do not stare at our flashlight, nor do we point it at the sky or at our feet. Rather we point it forward and down, hitting the ground about six feet ahead.

We need to study not only God’s Word but also God’s world; we study the world in light of the Word. We need to study not only Isaiah but also Industry. Not only Philemon but also Politics, Not only Acts but the arts. It is not for us to choose between knowing the Bible or the world; we need to know the world biblically.

As we study the Scriptures, we need to shine them on the questions that lie before us on our pilgrimage. This includes not only questions about our personal life and the church, but also the farmer’s question of how and what to plant, or how to make our daily bread, and for us, how to deal with fields, factories, studies, and politics.” Quote from Paul Marshall – Heaven is not my Home

Some how this illustration connects with my blog on Monday Feb. 13th

where does one begin?

What happens when two forms of living energy connect? Is it merely physical? Is there a deeper impact that generates life on the internal that manifests itself to the external world? What is connected that may have once been broken?

“You've captured my heart, dear friend.You looked at me, and I fell in love.One look my way and I was hopelessly in love!

Your beauty is too much for me--I'm in over my head.I'm not used to this! I can't take it in.

Your eyes are wells of light, deep with mystery.

Love is invincible facing danger and death. Passion laughs at the terrors of hell. The fire of love stops at nothing--it sweeps everything before it.” Quotes from the Songs of Solomon

And the two shall become one…

Can the world contain the power from Oneness? What can stand against One? If given to my surface man I would not share my One with another. Should I give into that temptation my One would be reduced to only what I can contain. But should I release my One to another, then my One would become larger than it was within me. The multiplication would confound the mathematicians and realist. The power of One is visible to the eyes of those who hope to see what is not visible but that can be known. Once you see it you’ll never be the same again. All of your desires, all of your thoughts, will be of one thing…becoming one.

“I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name - the name you gave me - so that they may be one as we are one.” Jesus praying to the One 

on earth as it is in Heaven

"Our calling is not only to know the Bible, though we certainy need to know it verse by verse. It is also to know the world where God has placed us to learn from that world" Paul Marshall

"what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them... God's invisible qualities-his eternal power and divine nature- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made."
St.Paul [Rom. 1:19-20]

"The heavens are telling the glory of God; and the firmament proclaim his handiwork,
day to day pours forth speech, and night to night declares knowledge.
There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heard;
yet their voice goes out through all the earth, an their words to the end of the world."
Psalm 19:1-4

This weekend we are in Panama City visiting family. It has been a nice weekend. I came across these words in "Heaven is not my home" by Paul Marshall. The book is a fresh reading coming out of the funk I have been in these last few days.

Darla and I had a great time last night visiting with Rob (a.k.a. soulsurfer) and his wife at the Corner which is a Friday night open mic coffee house on the beach in PC. I love both of them, they are just the real deal. I love what God is doing in their community at Eastgate. May God continue to guide them as they navigate the path of faith and community.

jealousy is as old as the earth itself

"Coming out of my cage And I've been doing just fine...
Gotta gotta be down Because I want it all...
And my stomach is sick And it's all in my head...

And I just can't look.... It's k i l l i n g me... And taking control
Jealousy... Turning saints into the sea Turning through sick lullabys....But it's just the price I pay....

Destiny is calling me... Open up my eager eyes
cause I'm Mr. Brightside" The Killers

I can barely write about this, it is so now. All I can say is that Darla and I are talking it out every day. Yesterday, I realized how powerful this wicked little secret can be. My source of contempt revolves around my career path. For weeks, I have been wrestling with this heaviness. I really couldn't put my finger on it. But through sharing my fears and pains, we discovered that I was full of jealousy, like a poison. Once I accepted my condition, it helped me to explore how deep it runs. I found that the spirit of jealousy is as old as the earth.

"But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. " Genesis 4:5

That word "wroth" means to burn with jealousy and anger. Notice Cain's demeanor: his countenace had fallen. You could imagine a man walking around with his face pulled to the ground like an invisible magnetic force field. When I read that verse I saw myself and that is when it all clicked. It's killing me on the inside.

"Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood, but who can survive the destructiveness of jealousy?" Proverbs 27:4

The crazy thing about jealousy is that it starts in a very subtle way. You start out thinking how cool it is that so-and-so got a great promotion. The next thing is you start coooking up stuff in your head, and the next thing you know is BANG, you want what they have.

For me it is really sad because I really like my co-workers and wish them the best, but on another level, I thought I was missing out on something.

I came across an idea that the spirit of contentment is the anti-dote for jealousy. Being ok with what I have or where I am is the beginning of release. Not to mention prayer for myself but also for the people to whom my thoughts burn. This is better said than done. I am just taking it one day at a time.

Has anyone ever gone through something like this? How did it go?

love take the wheel

What a glorious day today. There’s nothing like walking out to a frigid 27 degree morning to find a warm and beautiful note from my beloved placed on the steering wheel of my car. As I read the card, the words “sharer of my dreams” and “best friend” find there way home to an unexpected place in my heart.

Funny enough Darla and I have been talking recently of opening the doors to a community house, where people may come and enjoy a cup of java for loose change while embraced by a welcome and creative atmosphere. Dreamers we are, that one day we will find ourselves serving our community while enjoying the intimate fellowship of one another.

My hope today, it that the spirit of love, my best friend, will steer the direction of my thoughts and deeds for endless days to come. 

emrging from the text

Growing up in the christian faith I have often said to myself how I really need to get into the Word. What I meant by that was a feeling of disconnect from God. I thought by reading the Bible I would re-establish my relationship with him. I am realizing the limited scope of that kind of thinking. Something is emerging.


As I think about the first three verses of Genesis 1, affirms God's presence in three forms, "In the begining was God, the Spirit of God hovers over the water, and the spoken words of God." This is the atmosphere of creation. As a created being, I am made up of a component of each of those manifestations of God.

In the Gospels, I find several references to the Father, Son, and the Spirit. Once again God is a community of One. So where ever I find this oneness, I will find the reflection of the way creation was intended to be. For instance, a husband and a wife shall come together and be one. In the Gospels we hear the same "In the Begining" language, God's spoken word takes on human form expressed in Jesus. As Jesus walked this earth, he was a complete example of human oneness with God. Then scriptures go on to say things like, "in Jesus Christ (God's spoken word) we are made right (the way we were intended to be) with God."

I am begining to see layers to this Word of God. It is no longer black and white Times Roman font on parchment paper. Rather, it is a community of images, a lion, a family, a mountain, a song, a neverending story, coming together to shape a reflection of God's WORD. A reflection that has always been there, I was just looking at the surface.

May you find yourself engulfed in the vast expanse of God's Word. Speaking. Realizing. Living. 

the creative spirit breaks through

Thank you to those of you who have kept me in your thoughts and prayers this week. I have been going through a difficult time. I haven't really been able to put my finger on it until I spoke with my mom tonight. Her comments and insight was spot on. This week at work I have been engaged in the implementation process of a client relations program. This was training week. I guess on one level for me it was somewhat mundane because I have been training on this for months. There is very little room for creativity during this stage. My mom explained that implementation can be the opposite of creativity in certain aspects.

When she said it that way I remembered reading this week in Heaven is not my Home by Paul Marshall. He said something along the lines of when we as created beings are being creative we are reflecting the "Imago Dei." So if that is true then the opposite of that has implications. If I am not being creative it strikes against the core of who I am. Darla continues to encourage me to make the most of the relationships as I go through these training exercises. She is right, I find myself all business when it comes to training. Ughh! I hate that part of corporate world. I pray these next few days I will be able to take each individual conversation as a opportunity of divine intervention and to seek to be creative at any chance I get.

This weekend I brought an old version of Photoshop 5.5 home and installed it on our PC. It has been a real outlet for creativity. I made a "winn people" collage as well as some graphic links for theRealZoo site under the "others on the journey" page. It was very therapeutic.

Thanks again for my brothers and sisters who are helping my family along this journey of faith. May we one day come face to face and greet each other in true fellowship. 

Heaven is not my Home

Living in Tallahassee Florida (the large buckle of the Bible belt), I have known a very limited scope of the gospel. Over the last few years, I have been exposed to a larger picture of the gospel. It is not that this new version is “postmodern” or “emergent”; rather it is a view of what I think is a larger slice of the global Christian pie. The following is an excerpt from Heaven is not my Home by Paul Marshall.

“It is an unbiblical idea that the earth doesn’t matter because we are going to go to heaven when we die. The Bible teaches that there will be a “new heaven and a new earth.” Our destiny is an earthly one: a new earth, an earth redeemed and transfigured. An earth reunited with heaven, but an earth, nevertheless.

If we think that the earth and everything on it is simply going to disappear, why labor long and hard to write something, perform something, build something, create something that will only be consumed by fire?”

For most of my Christian life, my thought had been that one day when I get out of here life is going to really be great. I was so focused on my “final destination” that I completely glazed over where I am today and what impact it has on eternity. Now as I read the scriptures, I am confronted with a truth that Jesus told his disciples to pray “Your (Yahweh) will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.” There it is right there in front of me and I didn’t get it! So where does that leave me today? Once again another quote from Mr. Marshall.

“We the human beings, we ourselves, are part of creation. Our stewardship includes human life as well as the rest of nature. It includes Mozart as well as mountains: parliaments as well as porpoises: friendships as well as fields and forests. What began in the Garden of Eden culminates in a city- the New Jerusalem.”

God is reclaiming, restoring, and redeeming all of creation. I am called into this re-creation story. It is an amazing narrative of making all things new. God is the central character and I am honored to be in the supporting cast. I guess the part in the story that I missed was the created order, the birds, the trees, the streams and how they are integral to the story.

Maybe the creators of LOST wanting to make the island a character in the story have stumbled across a truth that is bigger than they can imagine.

kindled life

Something is changing…moving…lifting. I feel the tide is shifting in the deepest part of my soul. Purpose is beginning to emerge from the goo. I have been in such a state of blah. Boredom and restlessness have been my companions these last weeks. Ha! But no longer will I play their silly little games. I think this morning I realized that I have not been alone. God was not taken by surprise of the events of late. Hmmmm, God was in this place and I, i did not know. It is the Jacob journey, traveling from one place to the next, being fully present in the moment I am in and finding fulfillment there. Sometimes the promise of what is to come can be so distracting from what is right here in front of me. Oh that I might remain still long enough to hear the whispers of life. There is still a fire shut up in my belly. I am alive.

a cup of criticism please...

How do you handle heavy criticism among your peers? I found myself in such a place last week. I was sharing ideas about an exciting project that was being developed for our business with a group of managers. When I was finished laying out the basics concepts, I was bombarded with what I perceived as the “let’s figure out all the faults of the project before it even gets started” session. A flash of lava hot anger flared in my gut, I wanted to stand up and shout “you are all a bunch of flippin’ idiots!” and the storm out the door.

For some reason I kept mouth shut and forced myself to listen to their criticism of the project. I responded by saying, “I really appreciate all of your comments and feedback, I hope that as this project rolls out, you will have the same level of intensity to see it succeed.” The meeting moved on to the next topic and I sat in my chair and just wrestled with what just happened. I felt as though on some subconscious level of theirs, they were celebrating the fact that they had completely knocked the wind out of my sails to prove they were superior to the ideal of the project.

As the meeting concluded, I began to internally scan their comments for any valid areas of concern and found two. I left the meeting and called a support team and discussed with them the two points of concern, together we came up with solutions which made very good structural sense. This week I will look to see how to implement them.

All in all, I learned a very valuable lesson, as a creative and passionate person who puts a little piece of me into every project I am in, when I am asked to give my creative energy to a project it is a gift and I can not be responsible for how that gift is criticized. My strength comes from the fact that I know the creative process is good no matter what others opinions might be about it and how I handle constructive criticism is part of that creative process.

the matrix quiz

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by

agents of good in a wreck of evil

I have been thinking about why is it that we are sometimes over whelmed with the fear, stress, and pressure.

Can't you see I'm black and blue, beat up badly in bones and soul? GOD, how long will it take for you to let up? Break in, GOD, and break up this fight; if you love me at all, get me out of here. I'm no good to you dead, am I? I can't sing in your choir if I'm buried in some tomb! I'm tired of all this--so tired. My bed has been floating forty days and nights on the flood of my tears. My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.

It seems as though evil lurks around every corner.

They hide behind ordinary people, then pounce on their victims. They mark the luckless,then wait like a hunter in a blind; When the poor wretch wanders too close, they stab him in the back. The hapless fool is kicked to the ground; the unlucky victim is brutally axed.

I wonder if God really knows how evil these days have become?

Look at that guy! He had sex with sin, he's pregnant with evil. Oh, look! He's having the baby--a Lie-Baby!

Does God even care? Because I think, if he did care why would he allow it to continue.

GOD, are you avoiding me? Where are you when I need you? Full of hot air, the wicked are hot on the trail of the poor. The wicked snub GOD, their noses stuck high in the air. Their graffiti are scrawled on the walls: "Catch us if you can!" "God is dead." They care nothing for what you think; if you get in their way, they blow you off.

As I lamented the prayers of the Psalms (in italics), I couldn’t help but to sense that I come from a long line of people who see the ramped evil running amuck in the world and are greatly disturbed and heavy hearted over it. As hopeless as it might seem, as a people of good, something from the center of our being calls us into the battle that rages on calling on the Source of all things to make things right in this time here and now. But what does that sound and look like?

Up, GOD! My God, help me! Slap their faces, First this cheek, then the other, Your fist hard in their teeth! Real help comes from GOD. Your blessing clothes your people! Listen, GOD! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries?King-God, I need your help. Every morning you'll hear me at it again. Every morningI lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend.

Close the book on Evil, GOD, but publish your mandate for us. You get us ready for life: you probe for our soft spots, you knock off our rough edges. And I'm feeling so fit, so safe:made right, kept right. Nobody gets by with anything. God is already in action--Sword honed on his whetstone, bow strung, arrow on the string, Lethal weapons in hand,each arrow a flaming missile.

There is this work of the heart that takes place between me and God and that is where the lines of the Kingdom advance. Is it a tough and long road to walk? Yes, it is. Am I alone? No. What would it sound like to carry on?

Long enough, GOD- you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough I've carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain.Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me. Take a good look at me, GOD, my God; I want to look life in the eye, So no enemy can get the best of meor laugh when I fall on my face. I've thrown myself headlong into your arms-- I'm celebrating your rescue. I'm singing at the top of my lungs, I'm so full of answered prayers.

May we find ourselves agents of making-things-right in this world…Hope is not lost. May we be the handiwork-of-God right around the corner, emerging from the unexpected.

All quotes are from Psalms 1-13 The Message

could this be the promised land?

From a very young age I have drawn mountain scenes from memories in my heart. I traveled through the Rockies and across the Grand Canyon. Today I began to sketch in my journal and this is what emerged. I have been thinking on the sacred journey of Joshua and the people of God. Their period of wondering was one of discovery and cleansing.

I can't help but find our story in their story. Maybe the images in my sketch are mirrors on the door of introspection of one's life. I also can't help to think about the "face to face" passage that has also been lingering in my heart these last few days. Maybe they are reflective of the relationships that we have endured along this trek.

I guess today I found some solace in the fact that after the period of cleansing and discovery they did finally entered into the land that the LORD their God had promised them. Somewhere deep within me I am hopeful that we are stumbling onto what they came to know as holy ground, If only I can stop long enough to realize where I am. 

a slice of humble pie

Sometimes eating a piece of humble pie is hard to do. Why does it feel like being asked to play second string when all you want to do is just get out there and play your heart out? Maybe it has to do with swallowing my pride and doing what I was called to do given the situation.

Darla was talking about wisdom yesterday. In the past, I have thought of wisdom as knowing how to make the right decision the first time around. And maybe it does partially, but I am coming to understand wisdom to also mean acknowledging when I have strayed off course 2 degrees and then making the necessary amends with whom ever so that I might get back on track. Humility must be a component of wisdom. Arrogance is surely not.

I wish I could explain to you how incredibly rich a life Darla and I have been given. Maybe the best way to do that is not to try and hold on to it, but to give it away every chance we get.

May you find the scent of generosity lingering through you and in you today.

blue flame of old

"the LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with a friend." Exodus 33:11

Thank you Lord that you are the One who forgives and grants mercy to your children, may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. It is by your works that we are given our daily bread.

What is a friendship?

In Numbers 12 the sacred text tells of a story that involves Moses, Miriam, and Aaron. There was something not right between the three of them. The Living God called them to come together to talk. He called them to the Tent of Meeting, which back then must have been like his living room. In this space, these brothers and sister spoke to one another face to face.

As I have been wrestling with this story on a personal level, this image emereged in my journal. On January 8

What would this meeting look like today? Where would the Tent of Meeting be located? One thing is for sure, where ever it is grace, forgiveness, and healing would be present. What happens when we get together to say I am sorry? What happens when our hearts are humbled? What happens when I desire connection and fellowship greater than my own pride? What happens when we speak face to face? I think we began to stumble upon holy ground and our hearts begin to become whole.

As the people of God following the path of Jesus, we are compelled to live in harmony with each other and with the One who holds it all together. He has been reconciling people since before Mesopotamia and he still is reconciling all people. Maybe the story of Moses, Miriam, and Aaron happened long ago, and yet it is happening today all around us.

Are you in the story? 

guilty of murder?

"You're familiar with the command to the ancients, "Do not murder.' I'm telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Carelessly call a brother "idiot!' and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell "stupid!' at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill. "This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God. "Or say you're out on the street and an old enemy accosts you. Don't lose a minute. Make the first move; make things right with him. After all, if you leave the first move to him, knowing his track record, you're likely to end up in court, maybe even jail. If that happens, you won't get out without a stiff fine. Adultery and Divorce.

Matthew 5:21-26

I am so restless. I know what I have done. I have sentenced myself to this prision. Where is my humility? Why can’t I just say I am sorry? Pride is so stupid, yet so powerful. I love my brother and sister; they mean the world to me. If only I could “diallasso.” This division kills me. It is like the vine from War of the Worlds, decay has set it. I am slowly deteriorating from with in.

May the LORD of Restoration rescue me and grant me grace and humility. Amen

are you here?

Today I was driving back from lunch, and I was thinking of how much of what is written on the blog’s of the people of theRealZoo is really from their heart. I am so glad that God has invited me to be a part of His thing here. Maybe you have been reading along for sometime or maybe today is your first time. The thing that seems to stir in my soul is to say to you “you are not alone!” Thank you for stopping by from time to time. For those of you who have left comments, thank you, because by your comments you have given us comfort that we are not alone. If you have never made a comment I want to invite you to join the conversation even if it is “hey.” Comments can be anonymous, which is one great thing about this space, all are welcome. May you continue to search for what it is that yearns to be known, and May His face shine upon you today.

bringing Heaven to Earth

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Keep us safe from ourselves and the Evil one. You're in charge! You can do anything you want! You're ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes. "

In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.

The question really is am I actively participating in the act of bringing heaven to earth?

checking my life lens

“Is the gospel God’s work in the world for us or is the gospel what God has done for me? Does it operate, to borrow an image from Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz, as if this world is a movie in which God has appointed me as the central actor (or actress)? Or is it the work of God as a universal and cosmic thing in which we get to participate? More likely the gospel is the staged drama of God’s work and we get to take part; God is the central character.”

What is the gospel? Cover story article by Scott McKnight from http://www.the-next-wave.org/

What does this matter? Why ponder such theological issues? I think it matters a lot for someone like me who can be very self-centered. It is so easy to try and look at life through the cracked lens of “what does God want me to do?” rather than the holistic approach of “where is the work of God and do I want to participate?” I guess it might be time to change the prescription of my way of looking at life. Just as with any corrective eye solutions, regular examinations are essential, so must the eyes of my soul be tested that I might regularly examine my way of understanding the Truth.

john carryman speaks

words from the past

Fear and guilt… Two words that as a child I knew too well. My fear was mostly of snakes. I remember having dreams as a child where my entire front yard was covered in snakes of all kinds. I had to make some kind of vine to swing across them in order to land on my porch to gain safe entrance into my house. This was probably due to my fascination with Indiana Jones movies. I loved the adventure but was terrified of the scary bugs, snakes, and spooky stuff.

Later in my childhood, my fear became tied to the loss of things around me. Around the age of 10, I noticed my parents (mostly my mom) constantly yelled at everyone. I began to sense that things were some how coming apart. The atmosphere of my house was like a war, a war with raging words like missles and grenades flying through the living room, dining room, and bedrooms. I began to fear that, FAMILY, the only thing that I had known as true and good was tearing a part. And there was nothing I could do about it, as much as I thought I could. My situation was hopeless.

And then at age 12, it happened. My fear turned to guilt. My parents separated. And everything in me said that I was to blame. In my world everything evolved around me. So if my family world was crumbling down on the outside so was my little spirit on the inside.

I share this story because it is real. It is my life. It is how I came to know fear and guilt. Wrong as they are, this is the point of reference at the center of me.

In her recent book, Christ the LORD, Anne Rice captures the atmosphere of the child Jesus growing up in Alexandria, the most prominent city in first century Egypt. In the last two chapters, in which I finished last night, the boy Jesus finds about his past. He comes to realize that because of the situation surrounding his birth, over 200 children were killed by a paranoid Herod. At the age of seven, Jesus was surrounded by war as the Roman Republic fought to become the Roman Empire. In every city, children lived in fear of the soldiers knocking on the door demanding the life of the children in the house. Jesus knew fear and guilt as a child.

Maybe now when I read the “red letters that speak to fear and guilt,” I realize they came from a child who became a man - who became the greatest Rabbi the world has ever known, and I will remember that He struggled though the emotions of strife and even death to find hope. He came that we might find, as he said, “this life.” Hope is alive.

wrestling with the unknown

Many thoughts of transition have raced through my mind these last few weeks. Could there be something happening that I am not aware of? Is it possible that there are things set in motion that have been a part of the sacred story that only now will come to pass? Where is the thin line of being alert and sober to the events and things around you to let them unfold as they may and crossing the line to control or twist them to the way I wished they would turn out?

Where do my thoughts end and divine inspiration begin? Which ones do I pull the trigger on? Sometimes I think of Peter who was so zealous for the LORD and in so being did some foolish and unreasonable things. Yet it was his passion for the truth that led him to act. I am thankful for the LORD who forgives those like me who get all excited and run off to do silly things. Yet He is always faithful to remind us where we can find him.

Why does he keep sending people and money to help us along the way when it doesn’t seem like we are on any kind of path? This is crazy! It feels like being on life support as though we are in a spiritual ICU where there are moments when we fade in and out of consciousness.

Thank you to all the messengers who have brought gifts of encouragement to us along the way. You have no idea how sustaining your words are to Darla and I. May you sense His presence as you inhale and exhale deeply today! Amen.

Narnia - through the eyes of a child

Good morning to all, yesterday I took my family to see The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, of the Chronicles of Narnia. As a boy, I can remember watching a cartoon version shown on regular TV around Christmas time. In that version, the demons and henchman that worked for the White Queen terrified me. And when they shaved off Aslan’s hair, it was though a dagger was driven through my heart. Terror gripped me like a sudden heart attack. I can’t remember back then who I felt the most like, as a child I think we try to imagine who we are in the movie. Have we lost the art of finding ourselves in the epic stories all around us?

After the movie the girls asked who do you think we are? Needless to say we have a little Peter, a little Susan, some of Lucy, and even some Edmund. I was taken by surprise when my oldest said that I was most like the centaur who fought with Peter in the great battle. How humbling it is to know that my daughter sees her father as a champion. If I could only see myself that way, the simple eyes of a child.

Portrait of the Champion Idealist (eNFp)

I am usually not real big on taking these test but this one is scary close to my inner thoughts and feelings...

The Champion Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in accomplishing their aims, and informative and extraverted when relating with others. For Champions, nothing occurs which does not have some deep ethical significance, and this, coupled with their uncanny sense of the motivations of others, gives them a talent for seeing life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil. This type is found in only about 3 percent of the general population, but they have great influence because of their extraordinary impact on others. Champions are inclined to go everywhere and look into everything that has to do with the advance of good and the retreat of evil in the world. They can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the significant social events that affect our lives. And then they are eager to relate the stories they've uncovered, hoping to disclose the "truth" of people and issues, and to advocate causes. This strong drive to unveil current events can make them tireless in conversing with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out.

Champions consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life, although they can never quite shake the feeling that a part of themselves is split off, uninvolved in the experience. Thus, while they strive for emotional congruency, they often see themselves in some danger of losing touch with their real feelings, which Champions possess in a wide range and variety. In the same vein, Champions strive toward a kind of spontaneous personal authenticity, and this intention always to "be themselves" is usually communicated nonverbally to others, who find it quite attractive. All too often, however, Champions fall short in their efforts to be authentic, and they tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, berating themselves for the slightest self-conscious role-playing.

excerpted from The Pygmalion Project: Volume 3 The Idealists, by Dr. Stephen Montgomery
Copyright © 1989 Stephen Montgomery
While the shy, seclusive Monastics [now called Healers] (Myers's "INFPs") devote themselves largely to cultivating inner purity, the high-spirited Advocates [now called Champions} (Myers's "ENFPs") turn their energies outward to investigate the public world and to develop their social awareness. Keirsey calls the Advocates "keen and penetrating observers," who "can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them." And he has referred to them both as "Apocalyptics" and "Heralds" because of their fervent desire to spread the news of their experience of good and evil.

Brimming with life, Advocates live more spontaneously "in-the-flesh" than Monastics, and at first glance they can be rather easily mistaken for Artisans. But more than simply seeking the excitement of new experiences, Advocates are interested in understanding the significance of things, and more than simply taking people as they find them, Advocates care about nurturing ethical and sympathetic social relationships. To be sure (and unlike the impulsive Artisans), Advocates are serious and conscientious in their relationships, wanting to nourish human potential and to awaken what they believe to be the latent morality in their fellow-men. In a word, Advocates are romantic in their relation to the real world, seeing high drama in their quest for life, and hearing an irresistible call to enlighten those around them.

Although Advocates are thus more public-minded than the Monastics, and more confident in dealing with people, they are only slightly more directive in their private interactions. Like all the Idealists, Advocates want harmony above all else in their personal relationships, and they are far more inclined to "re-form" their loved ones by presenting them with information than by giving them commands. Nevertheless, Advocates can be quite coercive in their role-informative style of defining relationships. Advocates delight in free discussions of current issues -- they burn with convictions and bubble with meaningful details, yearning to unveil what they believe to be the "true story" of significant events. At times, Advocates will champion a cause with such zeal that they can be carried away with the rightness of their position, and find themselves preaching to their friends and loved ones, trying fervently to convince them of their point of view. Indeed, in their penchant for investigating and reporting "the truth," Advocates can quite easily strain their relationships by reading too much into their loved ones' behavior, by over-interpreting the hidden meanings in their loved ones' words, and by overstating their own romantic views as apocalyptic revelations.

All I can say is this is crazy! Its almost like looking in the mirrow translated into words.

what are you looking at?

"To look at something as though we had never seen it before requires great courage.”

Henri Matisse
At first glance this quote really grabs my attention, but the more I think about it the more captured I am by its simplistic yet profound meaning. Here are some questions that I have wanted to ask:

What does it mean to be a family?
Why do we work?
Why do we laugh when it hurts?
Can I really let go of the fear of pain?
Are my children going to have to suffer through life?
Why can’t I find the movement of Jesus?
What are my children learning in school?
Why do some people hide from their shame?
Can AIDS be cured? What is church?
Why does violence run so rampant in some areas and not in others?
Why don’t people say what they mean?
What if the rules are broken? Who made the rules?
Why do children from age 5-8 ask so many questions?
What would it take to look at things as though I have never seen them before?

It is good to have space that one can explore the questions that haunt the soul. May those who read these words find a still place to humble themselves before the One who created all things in Heaven and on Earth and bring to the light that which has been in darkness.

the lost art of forming the family circle

“The room had been cleaned, the floor swept and beautiful rugs had been put down, rugs covered with flowers woven into the wool. We were told to sit down and listen… I remember now that we had gathered for this purpose before… We made a big think circle.. I crossed my legs, as were the rest of my family… Mother spoke of grandfathers and grandmothers who had married and gone on… Both the men and women had been repeating what she’d been telling, in order to Remember it.” Boy Jesus age 7
Excerpt from Christ the Lord by Anne Rice

I copied this in my journal on November 9th. It impacted my soul when I read it. Something deep in me connected with the imagery of a whole family gathering together to share their story, all of it, the good, the bad, and the unspeakable. I have not blogged about it until now; for fear that it would only be a good idea and not a reality for my family. Today I am writing to celebrate that the story has come full circle. Sunday night the Winn family came together in the middle of the living room floor and began to share our struggles and pains as we grow as a family. Each one of us shared from a place that may have been a little awkward at first, but came easier as the night grew. Something special was given space to grow.

In the middle of our time together one of the little girls said with eyes beaming in delight, “this meeting is GREAT! I love our family!” Then the other one said “telling our stories is good because we can all know where we are coming from.” I couldn’t have explained it better myself. My Father in heaven must know the inner desire of my heart to grant us this precious gift. His will is done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

We are reclaiming the formation of the family circle… a place where hearts, fears, and hopes come together in the sacred place of the story of us. By gathering this way, we are entering into a tradition that is as old as the earth itself. By redeeming the practice of remembrance, we are remembering… The Lord has done great things for us!

who is john carryman?

I have been intrigued by a man who has been traveling down a main thoroughfare near my house over the last month or so. He walks alone carrying his pack. He appears to be homeless. Each day I have wondered what would it be like to walk in his shoes. A few days ago I blogged about "the tunnel" which was stirred by a journal entry that I sketched out depicting a tunnel and in the image there was a man traveling into the darkness. I guess this painting is my response to the image that has been wrestling with my soul.

Filled with compassion, my daughters named the man carrying his bag John because they wanted to pray for him. I have been thinking about interacting with him, but I have wondered if I would be intruding on his way of life. I would love to know the God he knows. Maybe his god doesn't have a name, maybe he does. If I were to give him some money would that be ok? How would he receive the money? I don't think of him as a charity cause but rather I genuinely want to enter his world to see how it looks through his eyes. Maybe he knows the same God that I know but knows him more intimately than I do. Maybe he completely trusts God to supply his every need and I only trust God to fulfill my wish list and to answer my questions. Who is John the carry man? What truths does he carry in his bag? What could I learn from the man who has entered my world and captured our thoughts and prayers? May the LORD who holds all things guide our paths, and may his face shine upon us.

who am I missing?

I have often thought that there is something missing in my life. It is one of those things like a vacuum in a place where you know there should be something of great value that extends beyond temporal satisfaction. Over the last few months Darla and I have been searching for what seems to be eluding us – relational community. Is it possible that it could be right there in front of me? Is there someone or a group of people that are so desperate to hear our stories and for us to know theirs yet I have neglected them or looked right passed them? How can I be so short sighted? In looking for souls to connect with I have failed to see the love in their tender hearts?

Why is it that I am brought to this same frame of mind once every couple of months? Oh that my heart would be changed to think of them everyday in ways that they become the real community that I am intricately woven into with my heart, soul, and strength. Praise be to God that I have not had to lose one of them to come to this place of sensitivity and awareness that they are my first community, my precious ones, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, the ones that call me daddy.

where are we going? who are we becoming?

Last night my wife and I were discussing what kind of community of faith we see ourselves becoming a part of. This question was prompted by my 6 year old asking the question "when are we going back to church?" I told her that we were learning what it means to be the church where ever we are and where ever we go which means to love one another, share our stuff, and be kind to those who are in need. She said she missed learning about Jesus. I thought to myself, heck, I am still trying to learn about the real and difficult things about Jesus. Our conversation ended as we arrived at the store. My wife said maybe we aren't doing a good enough job in relating that learning about Jesus is not about knowing the stories, but living a way of life according to the truths behind the stories. But for all of her (my daughter's) life, all she knows is the church as we know today.

This morning I recieved a newsletter from theOoze by Frank Viola entitled AN INTERVIEW: with a Modern-Day, Sunday-Morning, Church-Going Christian. Wow! What a great narrative that really captures the desire in my heart about what a community of faith can look like. My hope is that one day the people of the realZoo can grow into a group of people who are living life together encouraging one another though the chaos.

finding yourself in a huge tunnel

“At last we embraced the gates (of the Temple in Jerusalem), and to my surprise found ourselves in a huge tunnel. I could barely see the beautiful decorations all around us. The prayers of the people echoed off the roof and the walls. I joined in the prayers, but mostly I just looked around myself, and felt the breath taken out of mine again, just as surely as when Eleazer had kicked me hard and I couldn’t breathe.” – Excerpt from Christ the LORD by Anne Rice in the person of Jesus age 7

Thinking of the immediate surroundings of a tunnel is very easy to fall into by focusing on the fact that you are surrounded by darkness. Maybe the bigger picture here is that a tunnel is a pathway, a gateway from one side to another. It is a location of transition as you move from one place to another. You enter one side but when you emerge on the other side the conditions and environment may have changed completely.

In the case of the tunnel at the gate of the Temple, the difference is when you enter the gate of the Temple, you are leaving the world and all its expectations and you are moving toward the Temple which in the early 1st century was considered the very dwelling place of the One True God of all things.

Did they move in and out of this location of transition – the tunnel of the gate of the Temple – with the idea that it was better to be “in” rather than out? Obviously the Jewish people thought it was good to be “in” because they would travel for days and risk their lives just to get there. Why did Yahweh bring these people to this ideal that it was good to be “in” the structure? When later on He would illustrate that people would enter “in” to a place of worship that was not built by the hands of men?

What did it mean to the Hebrew people when they sang the Psalm “The LORD shall preserve my going out and my coming in from this time forward, and even for evermore?”

Why did Jesus say things like I am the way, and I am the gate? What did that mean to the listeners of the first century? Surely that must have had an impact on them culturally because these were symbolic customs they had grown up with all their lives.

What does the tunnel of the Temple gate look like to day, if the Temple has become people of Yahweh?

Mending the broken and shattered

Yesterday was truly a Real Zoo kind of day; I say that because on 3 separate accounts I was privileged to be trusted with 3 soul level conversations. Dealing with doubt, fear, and insecurities, I found myself in the middle of real life stories. Being trusted with the intimate yet broken details of some of my close friends is a great honor one that I do not take lightly. My hope is that maybe by speaking out their doubts and fears they are somehow following through in what the healing Spirit of Yahweh is bringing them through. Engaging one another at this close heart felt level, I believe is the scent of real community the kind that transcends the pseudo-community we have accepted as the norm but leaves us feeling empty and alone.

I wonder what the writer of James was getting at when he penned these words:
“Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.” Maybe my catholic brothers and sisters were on to something in the ideal of confession, but maybe it goes further in that we are all called to listen and to speak the difficult words from our souls to one another so that we might not me separated from the Way of Life that was completely fulfilled in the life of the Man from Nazareth.

So to my brothers and sisters who might be reading these words, may you find yourself emerged in the mending process of the broken and shattered pieces of your life and in the lives of the people of the world around you that we may all know the healing name of the One True God.

A new book from Anne Rice

When I came across the news that Anne Rice author of the Vampire Chronicles had written a book about Jesus, I thought I was going to fall out. Needless to say my wife bought the book from Barnes & Noble this week and we are eating it up. I came across Anne's blog this week, here is what she had to say about the new book:NOTES FROM ANNE ON CHRIST THE LORD: Out of Egypt

October 28, 2005
"Dear Ones,
Tomorrow, October 29th, I leave on my book tour for the promotion of Christ the Lord. So far, the reception of the book has been quietly astonishing. Reviews have been far more kind than I ever expected, and the the talk on the internet is far greater than I ever imagined it would be, if I imagined it at all.

Let me make a few statements before I leave you for an extended period of meeting my readers face to face. First off, there is much misunderstanding about this book floating around, and misinformation about me.

This book, as I've already explained, is a sincere attempt to bring to life in fiction the world of Jesus of Nazareth, whom I believe, is the Son of God. The Four Gospels are definitely the main framework for the story, the main source for it, and the firm structure into which any fictional liberties are carefully placed. Use of the Apocrypha is extremely limited in this novel, and the reasons for the use of early legends about Jesus' childhood is fully explained in The Author's Note in the book.

I do not have any particular interest in the gnostic gospels. They do not figure in this book at all, as far as I know. Also I have not written anything at all resembling the Da Vinci Code. I thought the Da Vinci Code was a scream.

Regarding my return to the Catholic Church in 1998, this had nothing to do with my husband's illness, as he did not become ill till four years later. And it had nothing to do with my own illness in 1998 which happened afterwards.

My return to faith is described in The Author's Note as well. It was not something that happened over night. It came about over a period of years.

I make these statements because as I check out the blogs at night, I'm amazed at the momentum of false statements about me and the book and the opinions generated by these false statements. There is something frightening about seeing the same mistaken assumption repeated over and over again from blog to blog. Of course this chatter will undoubtedly die down at some point, and it may or may not affect the fate of the book in the Public Square. Whatever the case, if you've followed me this far, let me ask you to be open minded about Christ the Lord. I am not exaggerating when I say that the book surprises people.

I'm very much looking forward to this tour for all the obvious reasons: I'll see my readers, hear their voices, experience their presence in positive and fortifying ways. And this publication is especially thrilling to me because my conversion was so intense and so total, and this book represents for me the pinnacle of what I have attempted in a lifetime of writing. Understand, I've never written anything without zeal. But I do feel that all my previous research and all my earlier writing was preparation for this.

Please do email me at anneobrienrice@mac.com with your comments on the book, or with any questions you might haave, or about anything really. Use the subject line if possible to give some idea of your reason for writing. I answer as much of the mail as I can. And the subject lines help me to keep it in some kind of order in my mind as I proceed. Be assured that I appreciate completely your interest in this book, or whatever interest prompted you to read this message. And I will be reading and answering mail on the road.

Take care and be well, and love, Anne." 

What Classic Movie Are You?

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What does SAFE mean?

When people talk about a safe place to… what do they mean by that? Is it this is a safe place to hide from the evils of the world or a safe place to come hang out and be comfortable with some other people who are just as scared as you are, a place where you can avoid dealing with the issues in your life that are causing you to decay from the inside out? Where did this idea of church being a safe place come from?

When Jesus was with his group of followers I wonder if he told them, Now I want you guys to know that while you are with me you are in a safe place, a place free from trouble, free from pain, free from struggle and strife, a place of comfort and relaxing. Scanning the surface of the gospels I don’t see this kind of promise. In fact what I do see is the Great Teacher of LIFE bringing his followers into the most difficult and awkward environments so that they might realize their need of Him. He was always asking questions that made them think about their “inner stuff.” These questions weren’t aimed at trying to make people feel ashamed of their deficiencies, but rather to “go there” and face them head on trusting that in His presence mending the brokenhearted and setting the captives free was his deepest desire.

In light of this observation of Jesus’ life teachings, it could be safe to say that his idea of SAFE had a completely different flavor. A flavor that may be bitter at first but the result was sweet, sweet like grandma’s butter biscuit covered in home-style syrup. As a close friend of mine said recently let’s stop pushing the candy coated gospel according to snickers because it just isn’t so…

what is authentic community?

I have been reading M.Scott Peck’s The Different Drum – Community making and Peace. It is a story about the various forms of community that he has found himself engaged in over the years. It amazes me is that no matter what the environment is, we as humans usually enter social environments in a self-preservation sort of mode. What we don’t realize is that this self-preservation mode is the very enemy of forming genuine community. So the question then becomes how do I help to create a welcome environment where people can just be themselves? Maybe it starts with vulnerability.

What is vulnerability? It may be different for each person. Maybe it starts with an apology, there’s nothing more humbling than admitting that you are wrong or that you screwed up. For some people it is a big step to get to that step.

The next level might be examining our motives behind the issue. What is the question behind the question? Is there something about that issue that “hints” at something that reminds us of a previous issue in our life? What if we could acknowledge those “hints” for what they point to, and explore them to see why they seem to linger in our heart and mind. Coming to this level of vulnerability is not easy; rather it is a choice, a choice that leads to individual freedom and authentic community.

an inward journey

thousands of years ago a man set out on a journey. a journey that began long before he ever left his familiar place. for centuries people of all faiths have studied the journey of Abram or Abraham as he is later named. "lech lecha" is the name that has been given to this life study of a one's journey, it is worth spending time reflecting upon the truths contained in this life-lesson.

"lech lecha" is translated in the Hebrew language "go to you." a very interesting place to begin one's journey. it is a inward step before taking an outward leap. i have many times launched out before taking a moment to examine inwardly what is it that pushes me or propels me through life's path. yet now i find myself taking an inward glance to peek within the closed doors to face the fears and doubts that have prevented my journey to truly begin.

others have gone down this introspective path before embarking on life's journey. Henry David Thoreau said "I went into the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life and see if I could not learn what they had to teach; and not when I came to die, discover that i have never lived."

for Abraham the inward journey was to face his past, one that was full of family secrets and deceptions. Smashing his way into the truth, he discovered a True Voice calling him to now move out past what he knew as familiar, his county, his family, his childhood. The Voice propelled him to move in a new direction, one who's final location was unknown. a promise was given to Abraham that through his descendant all families of the earth would be blessed. [genesis 12]

maybe we can take a look inward facing what may be hidden from others, in doing so come to the end of ourselves to find the True Voice of G-d calling each of us to begin life's rich journey.

going to the zoo

we have been meeting together in various places, our homes, the beach, tropical smoothie, maclay gardens, but one of the best has been the zoo. There is something about going to the zoo that brings all kinds of people together. Families go, people young and old go, whether you are from the city or not going to the zoo is something that people do. why is it? often i have heard of people who have been going through a difficult time in their life one of the things they do is go to the zoo. why is the zoo relaxing? what are we drawn to about the zoo? what life experiences can we draw from the zoo?