the rhythm of laying bricks

Another project I worked on this weekend was laying a brick border around the mulch garden beds along the side and back of our house. Once again this is a project that I have neglected to do while we lived in the house, and now that we are selling the house it seems odd that I would put hours of work into something that will be enjoyed by someone else. Nevertheless, I picked up 60 bricks to start. According to the real garden pros I did it completely backwards. I laid the mulch and planted the ferns and then came along with the brick border. As I laid each brick I found it very interesting that the edge of where the mulch ended and where the dirt was the obvious place the brick would lay. It was like the bricks had a certain place to lie, I just had to get down on my hands and knees to touch feel and see where the place was. I remember thinking, God are you helping me with this project today? Do you already know where each brick goes? Why do you allow me to lay the bricks? What if I put them in the wrong place?

Somehow in the humble position bending down, I seemed to enter into the rhythm of the way the bricks were going to go. If I saw some weeds in the path, I pulled them out. If I saw the mulch was too clumped together, I would spread it out or shape it to the path of the brick. Again the rhythm of laying the brick seemed to guide me on its own. Near the end I realized I was going to run out of bricks, so I went and got 40 more bricks. I was really exhausted, but I knew I was in this really awesome brick border grove. I couldn’t stop. My shirt was soaking in sweat. My face was getting sun burned. My legs, thighs, and lower back were just throbbing, but I had to complete the work.

I laid the bricks, brick by brick. With a short pause, I reached into the wheel barrow to select a brick to lie down. So there must have been some connection not only to the path but to which brick would go in what place. Everything seemed to be connected, yet I was unaware that there was a connection. I was just busy with the work.

As I looked up at the end of my toil, I enjoyed the work of my hands. I enjoyed that what was once debris, weeds, and shapeless void had know become a path of growing beauty full of potential. Somehow I found real joy in knowing that one day someone else was going to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Here is the plain truth. Our house the inside, the outside, the roof and everything in-between, has been completely cleaned or repaired bringing it to a condition better than it was before we bought it some 10 years ago. I can not help but to have this deep sense that now not only is the house ready for its new owner, but we have completed the preparation for the new owners. It is finished.

Who will the new owners be?

Finally getting around to it…

What happens when a decade of little worries pile on year after year? Like leaves falling from the huge oak trees of difficulty in our lives, the unsaid words or emotional wounds left to decay the roof of our souls. How risky is it to climb up on the roof and began the cleaning process? Can it be done alone? Or is there someone there to hold the ladder of hope while one climbs onto the severe pitch of the roof?

Pushing the debris off the roof is only the beginning. Some of the leaves will make good mulch, some will need to be thrown away. Once all the debris is down off the roof, and is in plain site, it is really quite overwhelming. This is not a quick job. Keeping one’s roof clean is not a one time event either.

This weekend I spent two days working on this very project with a very close friend. He will never know how much help he was to me. For almost 10 years my family and I have lived in this house and not once have I ever cleaned the roof. Not only did my friend help, but he did most of the work. He was on the roof; I was on the ground. He dealt with the slippery slope of the roof, and I dealt with what was pushed off. I remember looking up at him on the roof and saying this is what real discipleship looks like. It is one person helping another person work through the difficult issues of life. It is the most basic form of real community. It is taking your ordinary everyday life, your eating, sleeping, and cleaning out your junk, then offering it completely to the One who gives the very breath of Life in hopes for a longer and healthier life.

The gospel according to Spiderman

Yesterday in our local paper there was a free issue of a Spiderman comic book. Pete Parker’s life is very interesting. During the day he works an average job, but is it really an average job. Somehow his relationships and contacts in his day job are the inroads to find the marginalized, oppressed, and the victims of society. It is very interesting that Peter Parker goes into disguise when he fulfills the role of hero. He doesn’t seem very interested in receiving recognition for his good deeds in the community.

I wonder if Pete Parker thinks his life is dualistic. Does it seem like his life is compartmentalized into a day job that just pays the bills and another life where he does the work that really matters?

In a time of transition of my own, I find this perspective of the Spiderman story intriguing. I realize that I am a messenger of hope no matter what occupation I find myself, because each relationship and every situation I find myself in is connected to a larger life picture.

It really makes Paul’s letter to the people of the Great Hero meeting in the city of Rome come home:

“So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.”

looking with new eyes

"First we meditate on Jesus, and then we go out and look for him in disguise."
Mother Teresa

decentralized yet still connected

“In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.”
– James writing to fellow gardeners

I love the picture that James paints with these words. I really enjoy landscaping. I’m not much of a gardener when it comes to flowers and such, but give me an overgrown lawn or a hedge that needs to be trimmed and I am all in. While staying with Darla’s parents, I have had the chance to help out with the yard work. Darla’s father has put a lot of time into cultivating a beautiful yard in the front and the back. Looking from my perspective, I can see the landscaping of the flowers and elephant ear plants in the front that are carefully carved out with a nice edge to allow for good rain water to soak and drain properly. I can also see the beautiful green shrubs that line the walkway in the backyard around the pool. Even though these plants are thriving in there own respective environment, they are unaware of their connectedness in the overall beauty of the property. Nevertheless, each flower, shrub, tree, and blade of grass make up this carefully nurtured parcel of land.

What if this were a picture of a group of people who had this deep sense that there must be something more to life than just doing my own thing? What if they some how felt connected to something larger than just the patch of dirt where they were planted?

Over the years Darla’s dad has given us plants from his yard for us to take back to our home and plant in our garden. And from time to time he has transplanted flowers from his backyard to the front yard and vice versa. Each time the plant is given a new environment to grow is adapts to a new location yet it doesn’t become a different kind of plant altogether. The shrub is still a shrub. The flower is still a flower. It doesn’t change the fact that the plant will be impacted by its new environment, but it never loses sight of the fact that is a one part of a larger garden that has been cultivated by a loving gardener.

what do we learn in home school?

What do we learn at home?

After making the decision to home school their three children Mike and Dee, set out to give it their best effort to become parent-teachers. Two days into the adventure, it becomes quite clear that unless Mike and Dee work together this home school is going to take them to school. As a result of the challenge of this new home school environment, Mike realizes in humility that he has been very distant from the everyday learning experiences of his children, while he was in pursuit of the dream career life for himself. Mike begins to appreciate through personal experience the incredible patience it requires to be a teacher of two students, much less a classroom of eighteen. Continuing to nibble on his own piece of humble pie, he realizes just how deeply he has completely missed out on the real life, in the process of trying to get everything for himself in order to fill his hunger for meaning and purpose. What is it that drives a man to run the opposite direction of the true life he was created to live?

How amazing is it that in just a few short days the demeanor and attitude of his children had changed? What is the home school? Maybe it was simply the total engagement of Mike and Dee in the everyday lives of their children down to the smallest detail that was beginning to heal the apathetic and broken spirit of their family. Mike and Dee had unknowingly entered the world in which the children lived. Mike and Dee quickly learned that it took their complete devotion and commitment together to make this home school project run smoothly.

During this project Mike remembered times when in the past he had gone to pick up the kids from school. At the time he felt so good about himself, but the reality was he really thought it was an interruption in his very important day or rather it was a really good excuse to get out of work for the afternoon. He wasn’t genuinely interested in their day because he was completely emerged in his self-absorbed life. Grace to be forgiven for such a shallow attempt at fatherhood is hard to accept. Nonetheless, that was exactly the place Mike sensed he was being led. Can a simple act of changing one’s idea from selfishness towards an ideal of family wholeness cause the course of life to change?

In the middle of all of this, Mike and Dee received a call from a very close friend who informed them that there was a great need at one of the local elementary schools. Mike and Dee sat down with the kids and explained the situation and asked how they should respond as a family. The kids decided they wanted to help by enrolling in the school. For the first time, Mike and Dee were making a decision with the whole family and it was for a greater good beyond themselves. Maybe this time when Mike picks them up from school and asks about their day, he will mean it. Maybe when he looks at the papers they have brought home from school, he won’t be just concerned with the grade as much as thinking of what it must have been like, felt like, tasted like to complete that project.

This leads Mike down further down the road of reflection where he sees just how big a load Dee has been carrying when it comes to the education and overall care of the family. He can’t imagine what kept her from just giving up and walking out the door. At that moment he sees Dee as the most beautiful and nurturing mother under what must have been the most overwhelming circumstances. How can he begin to tell her how much he loves her and will stand with her hand in hand as they walk out the rest of their life together. Together they will live the deeply soul connected story of the-two-became-one marriage life. In this life partnership of commitment and promise they must remember the sacred space of the family circle. They vow to strive towards true life together. Keeping at the forefront of their minds eye, how they think about, prepare for, and lovingly discipline their kids, will set in motion an environment of hope and inspiration.

Looking at the man in the mirror, Mike sees himself, as the outline of a changed man, husband, and father. No longer is it an idealistic way to view the family relationship, but it is becoming a reality, that together with Dee, they will meet the challenge to teach their children about life in the midst of the everyday ordinary eating, sleeping, and going to whatever and not just every three weeks or so when they are feeling guilty about the lack of connection with the kids.

And so the journey continues…

While driving in the rain

One day Mike and Dee’s father were riding in the car. Mike began talking about how he was raised as a child in a passive disciplinary home environment, not that it was the ideal home, but no family is perfect. Now in his own family, Mike and Dee are working out the best they can, learning how to be a parent and a spouse with all the pressures of the world crashing in all around. The new changes in the family are so upside down. Mike has become the man-mommy, staying at home cleaning and keeping things mostly in disorder; while Dee has found great income potential as a legal consultant. In this topsy-turvy family dynamic, everyone is under tremendous pressure. Can this be right? Is this the American way?

Speaking to Dee’s father is very difficult for Mike. Having lost the chance to have any kind of relationship with his own father some twenty years ago, it often takes a little nudging, and prodding from Dee to encourage Mike to speak openly about life issues with her Dad. Maybe Mike is realizing that this healing time is for everyone not just those around him. Early one Sunday morning Dee and Mike, find themselves in a raw but honest conversation about how things are really going. It is a beautiful and difficult moment of discovery. Mike and Dee are realizing that there are little cracks in their souls, and for what ever reason this intense period of waiting is bringing to the surface every splinter. They both admit to each other, if they had it their way they would walk away from this crazy story, but yet somehow they sense there is no turning back.

Later that day they come across a confession of another tormented life traveler, an ancient poet and king, who penned these words:

The opening:
Long enough, GOD-
you've ignored me long enough.
I've looked at the back of your head long enough.
Long enough, I've carried this ton of trouble,
lived with a stomach full of pain.

The closing:
I've thrown myself
headlong into your arms--
I'm celebrating your rescue.
I'm singing at the top of my lungs,
I'm so full of answered prayers.

Reading it together, they both wonder out loud; how does the poet king make it from the opening to the closing. As the air suddenly becomes heavy, Mike can sense deep down inside a cry that has been trapped for several days. No longer able to hold it back, wondering if hope is truly lost or if any rescue is on the way, the tears of his soul break the silence. Streaming down his face blurring his vision, he can barely see to drive. How can he even operate under these conditions? Is there any one out there? Does any one know the pain he knows deep down inside?

In this sacred pause of time and space, Mike touches the wound that he shares with his soul mate. How long has Dee carried this wound alone? Joined by the tears of pride released, maybe today was the day that the two became one, waiting for the rescue while driving in the rain.

Warning! Do not try this at home!

The story you are about to read is a true story. The names and places of the actual individuals have been changed to protect their identity. Any reproduction or transmission of this story in whole or in part is strictly forbidden and protected by copyright laws.

In our story today, we peek in at the lives of what was an ordinary middle class suburban family living in the south. Mike and Dee are the typical married couple with three children. Trying to make ends meet in an ever increasing credit card world, and living beyond their means for nearly ten years, they found themselves nearly $30,000 in debt. The debt story is the same story for thousands of Americans who because of the low home refinancing rates and constant bombardment of materialistic seduction find themselves sucked into a never ending buying vacuum. As hard as Mike and Dee try, they can’t seem to shake the habit. This is a habit of buying what they want when they want because they have the credit by which to purchase anything they want. They rationalize to themselves that Mike’s next bonus or Dee’s income from the next home business project will bring a chunk of cash of which they will put toward the debt. The fool proof plan fails because something inevitably comes up in which the money is needed and the debt grows with compounding interest.

Mike and Dee’s story takes an interesting turn for the worst when Mike decides to quit his job in search of a more fulfilling life purpose. Selling all their possessions, they decide to move in with Dee’s parents while they wait for the sale of the house. Once again their hope is in one big chunk of cash to set them free to live life as they desire. Mike and Dee have fallen into the trap of the money escape hatch. What they don’t realize is that they have already escaped.

For them it is very difficult to know that they have escaped because they are so close to the situation. The escape is not the difficult part all though it takes incredible fortitude to make the jump from one lifestyle to another, but the real challenge comes when because of the jump you see how messed up and out of order your life had become. Re-prioritizing comes with a great deal of pain, like a drug addict going through detox. It feels like the pain is too much to handle. It would just be better to go back to the old way of living. The problem is when you make the “life jump” there is no going back because you have already seen the truth.

When the desire to spend is gone it is a natural response of the human body to need a stimulus to replace that empty feeling. Worry becomes the new stimuli for the life jumpers. How will the bills get paid? How are we going to take care of next month’s food and gas needs? Once again it is difficult to see when you are in the moment, but worry is really vain superstition. This is a time of raw emotions and self-doubt. It is the condition which requires the warning, “Do not attempt this at home!” For Mike and Dee this internal motive examination feels like the life of a bug under the magnifying glass feeling the heat of the sunlight intensified to the point that external combustion is almost certain. If you have made it to this point in the story, Mike and Dee would like to seriously warn you to keep your ordinary comfortable lives. This is too difficult. If anyone tells you it will be fine you’ll make it through, turn and run for your life. It is impossible to make this journey alone.

Mike and Dee are fortunate enough to have a couple of friends who want to help them through this difficult transformational process. But there is another force at work in this story. To admit you have a problem, is to admit that you are weak, therefore the internal mechanism of pride rises to the top and paralyzes the individual to reach out for help. In a social climate that recognizes and promotes self resolution, humility and meekness is considered useless and ineffective.

Extended family can be a powerful aid in this difficult as well, however the addictions of the family can be traced from generation to generation. Mike and Dee while staying at her parent’s house find this to be true. It is like a double edge sword; in this concentrated environment near the source of contention, it has the potential to completely heal the ailment or to bring about certain death of the life jumper’s spirit. Just one incident that comes close to the original wound can bring you to the edge of the knife of destruction that kills the spirit of hope or it can set you free to live life like never before. Many times in this concentrated environment there are repeated “close calls.”

Once again please, Do not attempt this at home! We must break for station identification and messages from our supporters. What will happen to Mike and Dee? Stay tuned.

To be continued…

this restoration life

when I was four
I lived life outloud
with toys and more.

the mach5 and star wars
no guilt no shame
for freedom was my game.

what will tomorrow bring?
a day of play or a day of pain?

digging in the dirt
trying to make a way through
what darkness lay around the corner?

the innocense stolen from a boy
when those who are so close
are the ones who have the power
to wound so deeply.

how deep the wounds run
when time runs like sand
how deep, how long, will brokeness remain?
forgotten is the path of pain.

so easy to forget
for to remember is to be afflicted once again
as age grows on, the road to heal fades in the distance
how far away, how closer still, is the splintered soul?

a deeper magic still there is
for there is One who restores better than before
gathering shattered glimmers of light
until all is made whole again.

is this the marvelous light that shines through the darkness
can it be so? Can hope return to free despair?

now the boy become a man
begins to hope again
stepping forth with trembling fear
it is time to look into despair?

for through the darkness light prevails
the buried wound now laid bare
feels the balm of the healing pool of life.

what is the pool of light that heals my wounds?
emerging from the stream of Life
only an outline of the wound remains
for I have been freed to live again.

to live outloud
everyday I am being re-made
better than before.

this is restoration
this is the life
I live today.

the first day of a new month

Today is the first day of August and it seems as though a new chapter has begun. Our friends Brian and Candace arrived in Honolulu yesterday to begin the process of finding the essentials, living quarters, job opportunities, and schooling for the kids.

We are still waiting for the sale of our house before we can begin planning our departure to the islands. After evaluating what our basic needs are, we have are lowering the asking price of our home from $195k to $188k. Hopefully, the price reduction will bring in a wider range of buyers. We are traveling back to Tallahassee this weekend to check on the house and to turn off some of the utilities. We are looking forwarded to having dinner with some close friends while we are there and to have a few days of solitude to listen to the One who illuminates the path.

We are preparing to home school the oldest girls through an online virtual classroom from K12.com. What an amazing idea, public school online! We will have outlines, text books, computers, and a designated teacher to have available for questions and monthly assessments for the kids, all for free! And the great thing is K12.com is in about 15 states now including Hawaii.

This morning I met with Rob (realsoulsurfer). We sat in his living room and just talked about life and how things were going. It was amazing to me that he would sacrifice his time to talk with me when I have nothing to offer him or his ministry. His genuine care for me and my family is an inspiration. One thing I shared with him was concerning my newly developing awareness about what it means to be the provider of the family. For so long provider meant a material provider, but now I am being exposed to a fuller understanding of the father/provider role. In the past, I gave 95% of my creative energies to my work and only 5% to my family. I am so ready to find a healthier balance for creative energies. I want to love my kids with all my being, not out of obligation but out of a desire to build a creative and loving environment for them to grow. While talking with Rob about that Darla called to say she may have the opportunity to make sufficient income through court reporting and that I should consider staying at home with the kids. Wow, what a chance of a lifetime! It will be such a change from the life I have known for the last ten years.

Over the last seven days I haven’t written one page of the new book project. I have been just talking with people about the concept of the book and listening to what kind of feed back I get. Thank you to everyone who commented on the blog with kinds words of affirmation. The next seven days I am brainstorming the synopsis. A daily devotion of creative wordsmithing, I guess you could say. Tonight I bought a green spiral notebook (at the Dollar Tree- living on a budget you know) to begin the process.

Well that is a pretty good update one what is happening to the Winn people along this journey. Who knows what the next 40 days will hold. I am looking forward with great anticipation!

May you find the One who holds all things together busy at work in the most unlikely places, capturing your heart once again!

Hoping for the 7th Day

Last night I was watching Over Hauled on The Learning Channel. I think they might be onto something. If you haven’t watched the show, it is similar to Extreme Home Makeover on ABC. The differences are they makeover someone’s car instead of their home, and instead of sending them on vacation while redoing the house, they pretend to steal or tow away the person’s car. Rather than checking in with warm and fuzzy stories with the family and Ty Penington, the person is prank called three times setting up the final scene where they are given their completely restored and customized car.

Last night as I watched the guy squirm both on the phone and in person as the prank calls were made, I couldn’t help but to sympathize with his pain. He had spent the last four years trying to restore, with his own resources, a 96 two door Chevy Tahoe. It looked pretty good from the outside. It was painted, had sweet rims, and was slightly lowered. The guy got a job as a mechanic at a GM dealership just so he could learn how to work on his truck. The guy did not lack for dedication. But with all his dedication and hard work on the outside, the most important things, the engine and transmission, were shot. All his hard work literally got him nowhere.

Thinking about it today, there were 3 prank calls each one trying to get the guy to lose his cool. I guess one could say the pranks were mini-trials of character. The guy was really pretty level headed about the whole thing, but you could hear him agonizing over the situation. While he was agonizing the “design team” was completely stripping down the Tahoe to restore it to beyond its original design. They put in six sub-woofers, custom leather seats, air suspension kit, custom paint including an air brush symbol of a bull dog (the guy had just bought a new puppy), and 20 inch chrome wheels, and a new engine and transmission, and more.

After seven days of restoration (interesting symbolic number), the completely customized Tahoe was ready to be delivered. The host of the show met with the owner of the truck in a last prank with the wrong Tahoe on a flat bed tow truck, trying to get the guy to settle for something other than his truck. The guy said “NO Way!” Finally, the host tells the guy he is on Overhaulin' and takes him to his truck at the makeover shop.

They guy is so humbled almost to the point of tears. He keeps going on and on about how this is so amazing. How it is more than he would ever dream of and how he wouldn’t change anything! He even says, “I think I have died and gone to heaven!” He goes around hugging every single person that had anything to do with the restoration project. Not only was the truck transformed but so was he! He even says, “You have changed my life for ever!” Lastly, his fiancé, who had set up the whole thing comes out, and he just melts in her arms. His mom comes in and she too is overwhelmed by the whole thing.

Could this be a picture of how the Father works, allowing the pressures of the world to close in on us, while shaping our character along the way? All the while, He is completely working out all the details of the dream life project down to the minutest detail. Our best efforts with limited resources pales in comparison to His finished masterpiece, because only the Creator of our souls can restore the inner shape of our being. This put-back-better-than-before life is a life that was meant to be shared with others so that the Restoration Story might go on and on. So that others who feel as though life is cruel and hard might know there is hope around the corner. There can be a day 7 for every one.

My hope is that I am living the Over Hauled story of the restoration gospel. And while I am going through what seems like a cruel prank, this season is just character shaping for the customized kingdom life that is being worked on behind the scenes by the Extreme Maker of all things.

This has to be one of the most difficult passages in the sacred text:
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14

May those who read this story know that the One who is total restoration is working in your midst. Be strong, have heart, hope is on the way.

ok FINE I'll write the book!

Well after many comments here and there, and a chance meeting with the co-author of a book about the spiritual journey while at Books-a-Million one day, I am making the commitment to write a book. I guess one would ask what is the name of this book and what is it about? The best that I can tell now the working title would be:

The Real Zoo: Opening the cages of the status quo to find real life.

Thank you to all the people who have encouraged me to make this leap of faith and tell the story that seems to be taking place all around us. I don't know who would read this book or what they would do with it or why, but it seems like this is the next step in my journey.

I am also encouraged to know that I am in good company with people who weren't qualified, certified, or licensed to do _______, but nevertheless stepped out into the unknown in search of the real life hidden beneath the status quo yet a life longing to be lived.

May it be written.

the yellow brick road to Haight Street in San Francisco

Yesterday we spent the day in California with our friends from CRASH exploring Haight Street in downtown San Francisco. As we walked up and down the streets of the vintage clothing shops, smoke shops, and everything in-between, I couldn’t help but to be overwhelmed by the sense that this is a city crawling with people who are searching. We joined in the pursuit of searching for something.
Whether it is a bargain priced pair of polka dot Chuck Taylor Converse, a Mighty Mouse vintage tee, or an ancient fighting dragon tattoo, we are all looking for something. I was mesmerized by the incredible beauty of the vintage shops. Both the interior and the exterior were rich with character and nostalgia.
The towering mini Victorian flats pressed up next to one another seemed to express the cultural relationship of people, proximity, and passion. There is something very romantic about the crown modeling, panoramic window panes, and contrasting enamel color tones of these majestic urban dwellings. One can only image what kinds of stories these homes might tell if they could speak an audible language. And yet without using words they seem to speak quite loudly of life that can be lived if one is truly willing to leave the world of certain expectations behind in search for an authentic life.
And of course the shop owners and patrons were equally unique and intriguing. Freedom of expression is the rule in this alternative fashion district. In a world that seems to dictate the rules of expression and of self identity, Haight Street is a yellow brick road to a sensual expression of the hidden life.

Some may view this little corner of San Francisco as one of America’s dirty little secrets, but others may scream to the rooftops celebrating the departure from the status quo. No matter one’s political or social position, it is hard to discredit the fact that on these narrow streets there is a cultural expression spanning four decades, not to mention the positive economical impact to this San Francisco district.
Darla and I have been dreaming in the secret places of our heart that one day we would open the doors of our own eclectic little shop of expression. We both love unique clothing, memorabilia from the last four decades, and bold expressions of faith. Could our trip down Haight Street be a sampling of what our future may hold, or is it once again just a temptation of a dream that will remain just that, a dream? Can our dreams come alive once again? It is time for this little boy and his little girl who found their hearts playing together nearly 17 years ago to step into the reality of a dream come true. Oh I hope that the One-who-dreams-all-things-into-being hears the cry of our hearts.

In a world of people who are afraid to dream, may we be a story of the ones who risked everything to follow the dream of their heart.

In the words of The Missionary Heart:

Care more than some think is wise.
Risk more than some think is safe.
Dream more than some think is practical.
Expect more than some think is possible.

do you remember the name of this road?

We are all travelers down some path to somewhere. Throughout ancient time, and the time we call today, there is a road that many travelers have found their way through.

The first mention of this road is from a sacred story of a group of newly freed slaves from Egypt on a long transformational journey to become a nation. As they moved across the land, they unknowingly learned many things about spiritual formation as a community. At one point in the pilgrimage, they came to a road bordered by a long time feudal family, the Edomites. The name Edom in their language translated “red.” Red was a physical reminder of Esau, the founding father of this region.

The community of newly freed slaves from Egypt traveled very diplomatically through this area called Edom. No doubt on some level there must have been a connection with the age old family wound stemming from Jacob and Esau (Genesis 32). This wound began as a small but bitter root of Resentment. I wonder what 400 years of carrying resentment looks like? No wonder this community of newly freed slaves kept saying, “We would have been better off….” They carried the ancient wound of Resentment deep within their heritage.

The name of this road bordering Edom was called the King’s Highway (Numbers 20). It was a road that stretched from Egypt to Assyria. But for this community of newly freed slaves it was the ancient highway to remember the wound of resentment. This highway was well known to many who had traveled before them, but to them it was an unknown road with many lessons to be learned along the way.

What is the life lesson of the destructive power of unresolved family of origin issues to those who are traveling along the King’s Highway? Maybe that is the point of the story; release from physical bondage is only one part of the transformational life of Freedom. The second half is to travel through oppression at the deepest level of one’s soul.

This doesn’t sound like a walk in the park to me. No wonder we find note after note in the sacred stories of history telling us to remember the Highway.

Isaiah said… “A highway will be there, it will be called the Way of the God-purified-Life.” (Is. 35:8)

What is the road that I am traveling down? Where am I leading my family? I am not alone on this journey.

Jeremiah said… “Set up road signs, put up guide posts. Take note of the highway, the road that you take.” (Jer. 31:21)

I would do well to write this journey down, making note of all the healing stops along the way.

Jesus said… “But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matt. 7:14)

No wonder this trek is so difficult, it strikes against the grain of the popular life of success. This must be the True Path of Life. I long to find my community of newly freed slaves, so that we might travel together along the King’s Highway.

wisdom from the sages

The Lord travels in all directions
at once.

The Lord arrives from all directions
at once.

Wherever we are, we find that
He has just departed.

Wherever we go, we find that
He has just arrived before us.

Thomas Merton

the reluctant conversationalist

Are you supposed to speak to someone about something? Ever had the nudge on your heart like I know I should go speak to so-and-so. Do you ever have this sense that this conversation is long over due? Maybe it’s time to have this little talk.

Is it possible that future events hang in the balance while we deliberate the “right time” to have the conversation?

As we look back through the sacred narrative of God’s people, do we see any history changing conversations that almost did not take place because of mankind’s hesitation to say what needs to be said? In retrospect, it’s hard not to acknowledge the fact that we come from a long line of reluctant conversationalist. We are a people who are convinced that things will or will not somehow work themselves out. Rather than speaking the words of truth that must be said, we cower in fear of meeting face to face with these life issues for fear of discomfort and what the outcome might be.

The reluctant ancient ones:

Jacob did not want to meet face to face with his brother Esau after stealing his birthright blessing.

Joseph did not want to talk with his brothers in Egypt after they had betrayed him.

Moses questioned whether or not he could speak to Pharaoh.

Ester seemed reluctant to tell the King her true Jewish heritage.

Jonah was completely defiant in wanting to speak to the people of Nineveh.

It is amazing to think of these conversational events as somehow locked in sacred time, waiting until someone would have the courage and faith to have the talk they knew they should have with the person they know to have it with. What was waiting to happen?

Would the wound of a brother remain unforgiven?

Would the heart of a family remain broken?

Would 2 million people remain in bondage?

Would an entire people be executed?

Would a complete city be destroyed?

We now know the massive power of healing and freedom that resulted because the pioneers of faith had the conversations that needed to take place. We know the life changing potential in having the heart to heart talk with those whom we are seemingly at odds with or disconnected with. This must be the tone of the redemptive movement of the Redeemer. Hearing the Voice of the-One-who-holds-all-things-together is one thing, but having the courage to act on it is the difference between really living and barely breathing.

How can one know what to say in those intense moments? Is it possible to be guided by the divine in the conversations of our lives? Is it possible to be so in tune with the sacred rhythm of the Spirit of God to say what needs to be said? What does it look like on earth to live this way?

Jesus Christ

Conversation after conversation, Jesus always seems to “go there” with everyone he meets. Maybe that is why people were so affected by the words he said. His words seemed to shoot like arrows straight to the wounds of the heart. He was the perfect agent of restoration. His words may have seemed difficult to his hearers, but they contained the potential to set the hearer free should they allow the truth to enter into their protected personal world. His words were the balm of healing to the wounds of their soul.

So the question remains, could the words of the young disciples of Jesus contain the same power to restore the decay in the hearts of the shattered and broken? Could they release freedom for the prisoners?

How many days will pass before we bow our heads, bend our knees, and engage in the conversations that could change life as we know it?

While it is still day, may it be on earth as it is in Heaven.

missing the best part of me

The last two days Darla has been in PC with her parents and the girls so I have been home alone. Locked in our bedroom, I try to go to sleep without being startled by the littlest creek and pop. “It is not good for man to be alone,” it’s the ancient word. How true it is. I am not “good,” when I am alone. Good meaning balanced. These last couple of days I felt like I haven’t been in my right mind. Just off balance. I realize this morning as I read Proverbs 31, how incredible is it to have a wife who fears the LORD.


A good woman is hard to find, and worth more than diamonds.

She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

She’s skilled in the crafts of the home and health, diligent in homemaking.

She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.

She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

These are just a couple of characters of the one I call love. You are my wife!

yada' derek

Put GOD in charge of your work, then what you've planned will take place.

Proverbs 16:3 (The Message)

yada' derek = (knowing the way) by letting it find you [Ps. 143:8]

letting go of yesterday

Another page of the Abrahamic journey... Step one sell all your possesions. The difficult thing about this step is remembering all the amazing things God has done in the midst of us from this house. Many tender hearts have come through the doors of this house and into our lives to reveal the Great Restoration Project among us.

I have to remind myself that things are only things and that it is through people that the Divine weaves his healing dreams.

I knew the day that Chris painted the trim on the house, that one day soon we would be selling this house. I am so thankful for his act of giving to our family. His wife and family were a refuge house for us when we were wounded from the accident. Even though we are not as close as we used to be, I know that their friendship was a gift. May they know the reward for their tender care.

From family and friends to the youth we have served, we have seen so many lives transformed on the floor of our living room. I pray that this house would continue to be used to meet people where they are and help them find hope in tomorrow.

Although it is hard to say goodbye, we cannot stay here and at the same time go to the place that the One who holds all things together is leading us. May everyone who reads this story find themselves thinking towards the courage to take whatever step of faith you may sense tugging on your heart. May you know the peace of the One who is bringing all things back to the way they were originally intended to be. Amen.

a week of things coming full circle

Living in the now
when the past comes forward
so that the future can be set in motion today

I heard this message illustrated in a teaching from Rob Bell recently. I had no idea that it was going to be a life lesson that would literally be played out in my every day life.

Things come full circle
At the age of nineteen, I began my first career. It was in a men’s retail clothing chain. Along the way I made some really selfish and lazy choices. Four years later near the end of that job, I was an assistant manager in a store in Mobile, Alabama. One busy Saturday I was running the register. A lady was buying lots of back to school clothes for her kids. There was a promotional on some silk shirts buy two get them both at half price. I noticed that I had rang up just one silk shirt for her at full price. I told her to pick out one more because of the promotion. When she did, rather than ring it up, I just put it in the bag. I was lazy and didn’t want to void the whole transaction and start over. One of the other employees informed our loss prevention team at the home office. A few days later, the man from loss prevention, dressed all in black, came and interviewed all management staff. When he sat down with me, he had the sales journal tape with the transaction in question. He explained to me that I had two choices; I could stay and defend the alleged violation of which they would persecute to the full extent of the law or I could resign immediately. I choose the second.

That event caused a domino effect of things. Being newly married for only a few months, this was a deep wound at the core of my identity as a man, and as the provider for the home. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the shaping of my understanding of the character of integrity.

Yesterday, while at lunch I was journaling about how life is like a mosaic. In the middle of writing, I looked up, and the man from loss prevention walked right past me. After living for nearly 10 years with this wound, I thought to myself I am not going to let this opportunity to share with him how my journey has come full circle. When he came back by the second time, I stopped him and asked him what his name was. He did not recognize me. I told him that we had first met in Mobile a long time ago. He was amazed that I remembered him. I shared with him that I was wrapping up a rewarding career in marketing and public relations in order to go start a new mission work in Honolulu. He was very pleased that I had done well and that I was moving on to do a positive work for others. He asked if I had spoken with any of the people from Mobile. I told him that I had not but I did marry on of the assistant managers from another store, Darla. He asked if I had a picture of my family. I showed him a picture of my family that I carry in my journal. He wished me the best and went on to order his food.

This week has been a week of things coming full circle, from the wedding of my little brother, the reuniting of my family, and the remembrance of my own beginnings in marriage and friendships of the past.

The past has been brought forward so that the future may move forward today! Wow! That is absolutely crazy! I must be in life therapy lying on God’s couch. All I can say is that my soul is being restored. Amen.

the first deep wound of sacred marriage

Have you ever been faced with a really difficult question? Is it possible that many small questions make up the sum of the one larger question?

Once again I find myself in the sacred narrative of history. Abram is confronted with a life size question in the face of desperation. He has set out on the journey to leave the country that he has known, from his father’s house to go to the land that God will show him, along the way a famine forces him to go down to Egypt. Pharaoh wants to know who the beautiful woman is that he is traveling with. Realizing that if he says it is his wife, he will be killed. He answers that she is his sister. His question is “Will I trust the promise of God or will I lean on my own means of security?

I wonder how this made Sarai feel. Did she think he cares more about his own hide than our marriage? Was this the beginning of the seed of doubt for Sarai that spurred on her rebellious spirit to try and bring about the “blessing of God” (Gen 12) by her own means?
Did she think her husband was a coward in the face of uncertainty? Did she think that their future was now up to her to provide? How old is this wound? Does this wound speak to more than just Sarai? Is this a deep wound that runs though generations of wives even today?

The ripple effect of “Sarai is my sister:”
His wife is stripped away from him possibly physically violated by Pharaoh
His is left alone to wonder if she will ever come home
His wealth on account of his lie results in the division of his family (Lot)
The Egyptian maidservants provides the temptation to further his own seed (Hagar)
The implications of this span the course of the next 12 years of Abram’s life…..

Here is the question I am asking myself: Will I take into my own hands my family’s future promise or will I trust in the promise of life from the LORD?

As a man of God, will I be tempted to make a choice in order to avoid losing my life as the first great test? Will I keep sacred the bond of marriage in the face of great disparity?
How I answer that question has huge implications for the rest of my family. Will I continue to foster the first wound of marriage or will I stand and claim “she is my wife!”

Although not what God had intended, he uses all of it to bring about redemptive history. A second chance is given. How does the story end?

living in the big dream

Does God have dreams? Does He have dreams about how the world could be? Does God even sleep? If God doesn’t sleep then He must dream awake. How would it be to be dreaming while awake? Does God dream of pain and brokenness? Does God have nightmares? When He first breathed life into the dirt of the earth, did his dream become a reality to mankind? When we lay down, do we give way to the dream of God?

I am dreaming awake, excuse me while I dream. I love exploring God’s dream with others. After spending time thinking of the Big Dream, it brings me a deep joy to explore the reality of His dream that has played out for centuries and continues to linger like a beautiful vision of healing and restoration for the heavens and the earth. Whether it is one on one or in a large group, being engaged with people in an outward discussion of what is happening on the inside is the dream in my heart. It is this dream that drives me to serve him and submit to His dream.

Sharing my all with my wife and serving others together is a day in the life of my dream.

When my wife serve others with her creative gifts,
my dream continues.
When my daughters ask questions, search for answers, and come calling on my help,
my dream continues.
When broken pieces of my family are restored,
my dream continues.

When the advancements of technology become conduits for people to be connected in the best possible sense,
my dream continues.

A blank canvas is the beginning of a new dream. When I can give creative space for others to put their hands and hearts to a blank canvas,
my dream continues.
When instruments are available for the musicians to pick up and sing the song in their hearts,
my dream continues.
When I finish working in the yard and step back to see how I have joined in ordering God’s creation,
my dream continues.

What are you dreaming? Have you been sleep? Is it at the end of the day that our dreams play out the things in our normal life that we haven’t fully processed? What if you could work through the questions during the day? What if you could go to sleep in peace resting in the solace of the night? What might Psalm 37:4 mean to you in light of delighting in God’s dream? What dreams and visions might visit you?

who are these people...

What if we actually lived out this life that Jesus proclaimed was available here and now? He seemed to have a real grasp on what people who lived in the reality of the-way-God-intended-things-to-be would look like here on earth:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5

Could this be the character shape of a new kind of people living the reality of “on earth as it is in Heaven?" This profile is so much deeper than just external appearances. Not to challenge the words of Paul in 1Timothy in regards to a leader, but to give a fuller dimension of who kingdom people are on the inside. Jesus was always talking about this idea that it is not about what you do on the outside but who you are on the inside, or its not about a list of things not to do rather it is about the kind of inner shape of your character.

The word blessed in Greek does mean happy or fulfilled, but when Rabbi Jesus spoke he would have been speaking from a Hebrew understanding of the word “blessed” which was “barak.” The hearers of this message would have immediately drawn a picture in their mind of a person “bent at the knees.” The forefathers of the faith for centuries have been a people “bent at the knee” before the LORD their God, their Maker. They understood this “bent at the knee” not as as just a physical position but as an inner spiritual submission to the Way of Life or to as they called it Torah. Living Torah was living the Word of God in our current reality. This way of living was an acknowledgement of Yahweh or to put it another way “bent at the knee” was an inner attitude of worship to Yahweh expressed outwardly throughout ones whole life.

“Bent at the knee” is the condition of the heart to enter the “on earth as it is in Heaven” reality. To enter into that reality is to bring Heaven down here, or to restate it to bring the Presence of God into our current reality through the everyday activities of life. Living this kind of lifestyle we join in the restoration revolution of people who lived in the reality of the-way-God-intended-things-to-be.

“Bent at the knee” are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Bent at the knee” are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
“Bent at the knee” are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
“Bent at the knee” are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
“Bent at the knee” are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
“Bent at the knee” are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
“Bent at the knee” are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
“Bent at the knee” are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Bent at the knee” are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.


May we be “Bent at the knee” people before the LORD, our God, our Creator, and King.

collision....point of impact

What happens in a collision? What is the most intense point of impact? It is the point at which two moving masses impact into one. I think our point of impact is Love. Collaborating in creative outward expressions of Love, we engage the shattered and broken opening the door to the Merciful One who is restoring all things, and in so doing we join the deep streams of healing that flow on earth as they are in Heaven.

When the poets and the musicians celebrate together, all of creation turns its ear to hear the divine harmony. Who can resist the melody of faith, hope, and love? We stand together putting all our trust in the Father of all families knowing that he is stretching the cords of his great tent. This invisible tent stretches across generations of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, across cultural traditions, and geographical boundaries.

The Winn Family, a people of the Real Zoo, has joined hands and hearts with the people of Crash to form one community of faith.

The project of the Real Zoo is not ours but rather is guided by the One who is the Breath of Life. The truth is mobile. It goes wherever we find ourselves. Our faith is not based on our location but rather where our hearts reside. Through what can only be explained as divine intervention our location will transition from Tallahassee to Panama City (June) and finally to the Island of Hawaii (Jan-Feb 07). I guess you could say we have made the jump, we are selling all our possessions, leaving our successful careers, in order to “go.”

The pieces are beginning to fall into place. The shape of God’s project looks like a creative community of families living under one converted warehouse roof in order to share in the incredible story of love and hope expressed locally to the people of downtown Honolulu, but still reaching far beyond the island because of the transient nature of the culture and people.

This is a new chapter in the book of Life. We are so excited just to be invited to sow into a new expression of love. May we look with eyes of faith and hear with ears of compassion to the hearts of all that might enter into the narrative of Restoration.

Who do you say God is?

Having stepped out of “Big church” nearly 18 months ago, I have wrestled with what does it mean to be an expression of faith on earth today. Over the last several months it has become increasingly clear that it really doesn’t matter what I say I believe about God, what matters is what does my life speak about how I live who God is.

Here are some questions to explore:

If I say that God is like a Father, but yet I hold a grudge against my father till the day I die, then do I really live what I say to be true?

If I say that I believe that Jesus was the atonement for the wrongs of all generations, but at the same time I consistently refuse to forgive others, then do I really live what I say to be true?

If I say that I believe that God created the heavens and the earth with the power of his words, and yet I consistently choose to rip people apart with my words of criticism and slander, then do I really live what I say to be true?

If I say that God is best expressed in my limited vocabulary as a Community of Oneness (Father, Son, and Spirit), and yet I can’t stand to be around other people and have no interest what-so-ever in getting together with other people who are curious about God, then do I really live what I say to be true?

If I believe that Jesus conquered death so that I might know true life, and yet I walk this earth as a dead man without hope by constantly refusing to face the decay and pain in my heart by numbing it with materialism, chemicals, or any other substitute, then do I really live what I say to be true?

If I believe that God gave up his only Son for generations of people he has never met, but I can’t part with my favorite _______, then do I really live what I say to be true?

If I believe that “church” is the expression of Jesus on earth now, and all I do is go to a building with a steeple on the top once a week and label myself as a “church-goer”, then do I really live what I say to be true?

If I believe the words of Jesus when he says “anyone who wants to find real life must give up his life now,” and yet I wouldn’t dare risk leaving my successful career in order to share and give my life away to a group of people that I have never met, then do I really live what I say to be true?

This was just a starter list for me…what if I went through all the list of things I say that I believe in and I find that nowhere in my life do I see evidence that I am living out these core beliefs? Is it possible that I am not really who I say I am? As much as society would have us to believe that our identity is based on a list of things we say we believe in, I just don’t think that is a reality of who God sees as an expression of faith on earth today.

sick and tired of being sick and tired

Monday night I checked into our local Urgent Care facility after battling with sinus pressure and sneezing for the last seven days. The diagnosis was a viral infection to which I was prescribed a nasal spray and a magic pill that was supposed to make feel better. Mostly I feel weak and light headed with a runny nose.

All of that said, I am very excited about meeting Darla’s friend Candace and her husband Brian last Sunday. What an incredible journey they are on! I think about them everyday. My hope is that the One who holds all things together will give them wisdom and focus for the path that He has laid out for them. After sharing our stories together for eight hours straight, I got a sense that we share the same passion to see the movement of love-hope-and-grace move forward.

The Creator only knows how far reaching his Project will bring together families, friends, and strangers to fulfill his purpose. May we all keep our eyes and ears open to hear what the Spirit of God is saying. May it be on earth as it is in Heaven.

PS. I am glad Jesus’ mission includes healing the sick, especially those like me who are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

the formation of a family of faith in Tallahassee

Over the last few years it has become apparent to us that there is more to this life of hope than just attending a church building on any given Sunday. Not to discredit the fact that despite our miserable attempts to “do church” the One who is Truth seems to redeem our acts of service and worship in any given setting. In our journey over the last 18 months, we have experienced a variety of seasons, extreme pain (leaving the Intuitional Church & enduring the after effects of a SUV roll over accident involving our entire family), acknowledging our wounds (admitting the self inflected wounds as well as those from our friends and family), a healing time (being willing to forgive others and ourselves and to move towards re-entering the larger community of faith).

By no means does this mean that we have it all figured out, far from it. What it does mean is that we are passionate about what it means to Love God with all of our being and to love others in the same way that we love ourselves. We sense that we have been brought through these various seasons for a reason. One is to connect with our ancient fathers of the faith who experienced the painful departure of what they knew as home, deal with their own inner demons, and then make the turn towards a life of giving hope to others who are afraid to step into real life. Two is that we are meant to be connected with people who are searching for a real expression of faith that is not dependant upon one fixed headquarters but that is good news goes where ever we go.

It is at this juncture that we find ourselves today. It seems the next step is to ask the One who gathers together those who wander in order that we might be brought together in his expression of faith in this community of Tallahassee.

May you the Creator of all things bring about the formation of a family of hope. Let not our eyes be blinded or jaded by the outward appearance of our new brothers and sisters. Rather give us the eyes of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to see your hands at work in the hearts of our fellow man. Come with haste lest we grow weary in the journey. May our divine mission be as was yours: to bind up the broken hearted as you have bound us, to proclaim liberty as you have liberated us, to open the prison doors of despair as you have release us, and as we go about our day may the good news about what the LORD has done for us be on our lips. Thank you for hearing our prayers for you are the Faithful One. Amen.

stories from the road of faith

With permission of a close friend, I am sharing this email with my fellow travelers on the road of faith.

Last Friday I was driving from Denver to Colorado Springs in a little 1994 LeBaron (picture it...not very studly). Right outside a little town called Monument, the serpentine belt slipped off and the temperature gage shot up. I drove it to the only mechanic in the town and had a rental agency come deliver a car while he kept mine for the weekend.

Getting back on the freeway, in a much nicer ride, I saw and old Indian or Hispanic man with luggage standing by the road. I just had a strong feeling I was supposed to pick him up and give him a ride. Maybe it was because I had just experienced the desperation of not having transportation. As it turns out, he was on his way back to Phoenix after visiting a relative that was sick in Denver. His name was Ordell Iron Shell. After some small talk about his native Indian culture he told me how similar some of the old Indian spiritual lessons were to those found in Jesus' teachings. Then he spent the rest of the way to Colorado Springs telling me how Jesus had changed his life after being in the military. He explained several ways he's experienced having new life in Christ...being dead to self but alive in Him. He sang one of the Christian worship songs he has set to traditional Indian rhythms/chants and told me how he is focused on sharing Christ’s message through his music.

Listening to this extremely optimistic and focused man caused the trip to pass really quickly. I dropped him off in a parking lot close to where the Interstate splits toward Phoenix. He thanked me and I thanked him for reminding me how God cares for us in all situations, especially those in which we can’t see the future. I drove off with him standing at the edge of a big restaurant parking lot sprinkled with cars. As I made a U-turn, I thanked God for the image of a man that had “nothing”…no transportation, no financial security, no impressive job tile…but who continued to openly praise God. After making the quick U-turn, I glanced back to wave. The big lot was still sprinkled cars, but I didn’t see Ordell anywhere. I thought about the scripture of “entertaining angels an our midst” and just thanked God for my powerful life lesson.

After reading this I couldn't help to realize that the One who holds all things together is larger than I could ever image, but small enough to squeeze into the knicks and crannies of everyday life.

May you experience great joy no matter what lurks just around the curve of life.

we're all travelers on the road of faith

Today was so beautiful. The sunrise service at Lake Ella was just inspirational. We worshiped in song and prayer in remembrance of the resurrection of Jesus with our family and with family from Watermark and other neighboring churches.

We celebrated God’s restoration project by walking around the Lake and observing all of his creation. It was in the cool of the morning, did we hear the steps of the LORD among us?

Maybe it was the fountain springing forth from the water that gave the sense that we were walking on holy ground or maybe it was the love of our our family enjoying a worship time together or maybe it was both.


At Maclay Gardens we once again returned to remember where it all began, in the garden. As we walked through the rows of flowers and shrubbery, Darla commented, “This must have been what it was like to walk in the way God intended it to be.” I agreed.

Just as we were about to leave, we stopped at the gazebo looking over Lake Hall. We came upon a young man and woman. He was reading a bible, she was leaning back talking on her cell phone. We talked for several minutes about life and God. It was really amazing. We shared our journeys. We realized that all of us knew that there could be something more to this walk of faith than just going to a building once a week. They also were into the Hebraic roots of the Christian faith. As we drew our conversation to an end we prayed and thanked God for his goodness and for Yeshua. It was an amazing time of community. We will continue to remember Tim and his sister Bethany as they walk out their expression of faith and love in their local community.

Today was truly a day that the One who holds all things together has made! Amen

return to the Garden

Last year, as a tribe of the Zoo people, the Winn family made a tradition breaking exploration to celebrate the Day when the way it is in Heaven broke through on earth. It is a day to celebrate, a day when Love covered a multitude of hate, Good defeated evil, and when life conquered death. In America, we call this day Easter.

For the first time in many years, we woke up Easter morning not in a frenzy or frantic pace to adorn ourselves in our newly purchased attire, but in a state of anticipation of what the day might hold for our family. Packing up a basket of food and drinks, we made our way to Maclay Gardens. I had been thinking about how truly brilliant the Creator is, and how he crafted the most life-giving message that began and climaxed in the setting of a garden. So off we set to find ourselves in the story of the garden, literally.

“The LORD God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed.” Genesis 2:8

A garden is a place of fully loaded potential. On many levels a garden is a place where something comes from the source of all things. What was once just dirt becomes an incredible organic mystery. The garden is where Hope emerges.

“Now in the place where He was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb in which no one had yet been laid.” John 19:41

As we roam this earth and see all the death and decay, it is easy to question whether or not all the good, the fully load potential, has been pushed out or destroyed. But alas, Hope is not lost, for someone has restored the original beauty of the garden. He is One.

Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?" Supposing Him to be the gardener, she said to Him, "Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have laid Him, and I will take Him away." Jesus said to her, "Mary!" She turned and said to Him in Hebrew, “Rabboni!" John 20:15

So once again, we will find our way to Maclay Gardens this Sunday to celebrate the LORD’s Day. With our hopes alive, we will look to find Him, and see that He is with us. With His fully charged potential, we will grow as a one, a family, the core of community.

No matter where you plan to be this Sunday, may you find yourself in the story of the Garden. May the Gardner of souls make His face shine upon you. And may you know his Love once more anew.

catalyst....or......conductor

Actively bringing about a change...or ...Keepin’ it all in line

Catalyst...or ...Conductor

Moses…or …Aaron

Who are you?

the cactus story continues

About nine months ago we started a thread on the Ooze.com labeled "church planting," we had no idea where the journey would take us. There was a post about a Cactus, a wedding gift that Darla and I had been given nearly 14 years ago. The gift was a small cactus in a 5-gallon planter. The cactus saw 9 different homes in our first 10 years of marriage. Needless to say the cactus is a good metaphor for our marriage, sometimes prickly and other times it is the aloe of healing like no other natural remedy.

It wasn't until moving to Tallahassee that we finally planted it in our garden. This picture is the cactus after our surgery some nine months ago when we removed some branches that were too heavy, causing the plant to fall over and to start to uproot itself. It must have really needed pruning.

After removing the branches, we placed them in a wheelbarrow and put them in our garage. It took some very careful preparation and care to deal with these prickly branches. In our marriage, we have also carefully given each other space to grow and grapple with our own thorny inner demons.

Over the last few months the branches have started growing in the wheelbarrow. I am just blown away by how this cactus can grow inside my garage with no water, no soil, and very little sunlight.


Sometimes new growth comes in the most hostile environment. There must be something special inside that cactus that can cause it to withstand being out of its natural habitat. (I can't help but to think our spiritual journey from the "institution of church" into "becoming the church.")

As Darla shared in her post about our oldest daughter giving up "running to home plate," we are really beginning to see growth in our marriage and our children as we have been in this season of "intensive family care." Thank you to the One who wants to heal our souls, our families, and all our relationships. He has done good things for us!

Is this cactus gospel ready to go mobile? Can it be planted into the rich soil of those who want to receive the seed of Jesus and his incredible message of hope and restoration? This is my prayer.

We also planted a couple of sprouts in two more large 5-gallon planters and here is what they look like today.

Every day I walk by the wheelbarrow in the garage and the plants in our garden and I wonder when the time will come to go out and plant more? What are we waiting for? I think we are just scared we are going to mess it up or something... I pray for courage and humility. I pray for wisdom and guidance. Did I mention we also have 5 bags of 40 pound potting soil in our garage too?

noticeably different

“When God delivered Israel from slavery in Egypt, he gathered them together at Mt. Sinai in order to give them the law (the Way). He instructed them, through Moses, about what it meant to be his special people. The law was not a way for Israel to earn God's favor; rather, the law was meant to tell Israel how to live so that they would show the rest of the world what it meant to serve the living and true God. In his Commentary on Exodus, Old Testament Scholar John Durham writes that to be a holy nation meant to be "set apart, different than all the other people by what they ate and what they are becoming, a display people, a showcase to the world of how being in covenant relationship with Yahweh changes people." Allen M. Wakabayashi author of Kingdom Come

You know I always heard the "set apart" as a way of justifying the Christian sub-culture. But now I hear it differently, more as "noticeably different" but still right in the middle of current culture to "put on display" the Way of living in harmony with God and restoring His creation.

“So when God gave Israel laws about how to treat one another and how to treat the alien, the poor, the orphan, and the widow, God did not mean to say, "Ok, you do this; then you get into Heaven." Rather, he meant, "Do this to show the rest of the world what I am like and what I desire for humanity. Act in these ways so that the world knows that I desire loving relationships. Show them that I love the poor, the widow, the orphan, and the alien." The law was meant to reveal the true and living God to the world through his people.” A. Wakabayashi

Sad to say, most of the time I don’t feel “noticeably different,” but I really want to know the Way!

an invitation to the secret message of Jesus

Darla and I just ordered Brian McLaren’s new book The Secret Message of Jesus. I flipped through it at Barnes & Noble and it looks like a good book to wrestle with. We are opening up a discussion forum on theRealZoo mBoard for this book. Maybe this will give us some “off the map” territory to roam together. This might be a good way to explore questions, doubts or whatever as they come up. Our hope is that this will create some space for spectators to become participants in the uncharted waters of faith.

In addition to that topic, we also added a link to the daily Lexionary readings here (side colomn under the clock)and a corresponding discussion forum for the readings. I was encouraged by RJ’s reading of Jeremiah 31 on Sunday, and was compelled to seek out the history of the ancient liturgical readings. I find it somewhat romantic knowing that I am joining in with my brothers and sisters across the globe in reading the sacred text and praying the laments of the patriarchs of the faith. For our story is their story and their story is ours. May we all experience a deep connection with those who have come before us and with those who will come after us.

church 2 church

Tonight I had a great evening with some of my brothas’ and sistas’ from another motha’who meet in a rented coffee bar in mid-town Tallahassee as a new community of faith called Watermark. They have been sharing life together for about a year or so and have a small group of college/post-college folks who seem very interested in being Jesus to the community.

It was cool to come from “www” to the “real world” and connect with other disciples of Jesus. RJ, the guitar guy, introduced me as the guy he met online who has an online community of faith called theRealZoo. When he said that, I realized that an online community is just one slice of God’s Big Project that I see people of faith being called to be in the world today.

My dream is that theRealZoo will continue to be an online community but that also has real world connections with the people we find ourselves in natural connection with locally and nationally. From the schools our daughters go to, to the people we work with, and the places we patron every day like the Library or Tropical Smoothie are all part of theRealZoo community because when we are there we bring the community of faith with us. I believe we are all part of the mobile Gospel on the largest network of history.

It was good to sip and sing with the people of Watermark. I connected with RJ as he sang about “Help us Lord to love mercy, Help us to love justice, Help us to love all people.” I believed that RJ believes what he is singing, and that makes all the difference. This is the kind of people I would gladly join hands and hearts to serve the poor, the oppressed and marginalized in Tallahassee, Florida. May the One who holds all things together by his Word bring forth his plan in his timing and may we church to church partner with one another so that no needs go by unmet.

As we left, we had candles that we lit to represent our prayers of faith that the way of Jesus would be realized in the communities we call home. Thank you Michael Anthony, RJ, Stratton, Caleb, Jim, Dave, Trisha, Jim, Rob the tattoo guy for welcoming a total stranger into your community like a brother in the faith.

May each of you who read this find yourselves engaged in bringing Heaven to earth in whatever expression of faith the Creator calls you to be. May you be the good news wherever you go.

common grounds

Last night we had a little coffee caper. It was really great. We invited our friends from the library to try some samples from Stone Creek Coffee, since we all share the love of a good cup of coffee. Over the last few years we have developed a close relationship with them; there is just something about the library that just oozes community. I guess because the library is such a natural place for people to learn, read, and explore.

The librarians have a very service oriented attitude about them. As we sat and talked last night, our conversation gravitated toward the subject of “homeless people” in our area. Maybe it was steered there by the fact that in our dining room there is the painting I did of John Carryman, or maybe there was something else guiding our conversation. Our friends shared about the various experiences they have had with homeless people coming into the library, most of them seeking shelter from heat or cold. They too had come in contact with Bill (John Carryman’s real name).

Maybe our theme “common grounds” was quite appropriate, since we all have a common thread; we have all felt like at one time or another that we have no place to call home leaving us with a deep sense of loneliness.

I really don’t know what will come of our coffee caper, but I look forward to what happens next. I start volunteer computer tutoring there next Tuesday. I am glad to be associated with the people of the library and the good deeds that take place there.

has the Kingdom Come?

I am reading a great little nugget of a book Kingdom Come. It really is helping me to grapple with some of the difficult words of Jesus. Jesus says, “But if it is by the finger of God that I cast out the demons, then the kingdom of God has come to you.” Answering St. John’s question “are you the one or should we expect another?” Jesus says , "Go back and report to John what you hear and see: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." Matthew 11.

This being said, my daughters still get incredibly sick have awful skin infections and my friends suffer great affliction in life. So has the kingdom come? It seems as though it is not on earth as it is in Heaven.

As I was reading Kingdom Come this morning, I was reminded of a real life illustration. My daughter brought home a small seed planted in a cup. The cup has her name written on the front. Darla has been nudging that we should plant it in our garden. Well I have been some what reluctant to plant the thing because it is a cabbage seed. I don’t care for cabbage. Here are the facts, the seed is in the cup, the seed has all the potential to become a 40 pound cabbage plant if given the space to mature. The question is do I want it?

God has a little cup too. On the outside it reads Heaven and Earth. Inside the cup there is a seed. The seed is Jesus. Inside Jesus is the full germination potential to grow into the on earth as it is in Heaven reality. We have yet to fully realize the magnificent garden of fully restored lives. As Paul says to his fellow men “The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed” Romans 8:19

Thank you Allen Wakabayashi for helping me to scratch another layer of the mystery of God, I think you had help!

collision of spiritual significance

What does it look like when on-Earth-as-it-is-in-Heaven breaks through? According to Jewish tradition the gap between what we call spiritual vs. secular was very thin. There was hardly any delineation between the two planes. The spiritual realm for the Jewish people was a plane on which things are as God intends them to be. In this heavenly realm things remain for eternity in their “original design” state. This “original design” state is not rigid but fluid in composition and is held together by the very being of God or by his will for it to be as he intends. The atmospheric reality of this plane is one of peace, not void of war, but a sphere of divine harmony where everything is connected or integrated into one another.

The second plane was an earthly realm. This earthly realm was also created by the very being of God or by his will with “original design” intent. The atmospheric reality of this plane was also to be one of peace with the same sphere of divine harmony where everything is connected or integrated into one another. This beautiful earthly realm was given to mankind to nurture, tame, and cultivate.

Driven by greed, throughout history, mankind has taken this gift and exploited and consumed all its resources to satisfy our lust for more. The divine sphere of how-God intended-it-to-be was fractured. So mankind roamed the earthly realm conquering it tree by tree, river by river, people by people building an empire for ourselves. Mankind’s vision was and still is to create a world where things are as we want them to be.

In history the first century B.C. was a symbolic epic climax of man’s world empire. An invisible collision, greater than any Richter scale could measure, shattered the momentum of man’s empire. Like a divine magnetic explosion, the forward progress of greed was being reversed, a reversal that results in the restoration of the “original design.”

Today we find ourselves in an internal dilemma, will we peddle the crack of greed or will we be the agents of restoration? Will we become agents restoring the sphere of divine harmony, where everything is connected or integrated into one another, restoring the beautiful earthly realm that was given to mankind to nurture, tame, and cultivate?

a different view

I hadn't watched it until tonight, but this video session with Rob Bell is in a nutshell the teaching that ruined Darla and I. And I mean that in the best way. We are ruined in being satisfied with the idea that just going to the church building is the height of the Christian life. We have been scratching our way into living the gospel today in a raw expression of faith in our little corner of north Tallahassee, Florida. When it happens, in the truest sense, it can't be explained. It's absolutely crazy. It's like a zoo! Hence the name "the real zoo," as a reminder of when we find ourselves in it. We don't have a clue as to what we are doing, but we are compelled to seek it where ever we are and where ever we go.

It is completely worth investing 40 minutes of your life time. There are a few more videos linked on the others on the journey page on therealzoo.com which is meant to be a big bucket of resources for those who want to take a swim in the deep pool of life.

365 degress of reflection

Today marks the one anniversary of stepping into the blogoshpere. Archive files make it easy to look backwards in order to see where we have been, maybe it will provide some direction as to where we are going or who we are becoming. Let’s peak inside:

March 05 - welcome to a relational space to ask questions without assuming the answers

April 05 - we are who we are, wherever we go, even to the Zoo

May 06 - inward journey… the first Abrahamic step of a meaningful journey of faith

October 05 - self-preservation vs. vulnerability in the context of community

November 05 - the deep root of the family circle – sharing life together – The homeless – John Carryman

December 05 - praying “on earth as it is in Heaven”
The Gospel has its own momentum; will I get in on The Amazing Invisible Project?
Anne Rice explores Jesus age 9, I remember fear and guilt at 10.
Narnia speaks!
(eNFp) Heralding the experiences of good and evil!
Courage to look into the unknown

January 06 – creative people must drink a cup of criticism now and then
Agents of good in a wreck of evil - entering the lament of King David
Face to Face sketch “wondering is a period of discovery and cleansing”
A slice of humble pie is hard to choke down – 2 degrees back on path
Friendship is the Blue Flame of Old sketch
Guilty of Murder you Idiot – controlling the thoughts of bitterness

February 06 – The journey of Alex and David begins
Handling the sacred scriptures with care not as a utility source
The passion of ONE
The earth-hands emerge – reading “Heaven is not my Home” by P. Marshall
Jealousy rears its ugly head like a venomous viper
Love take the wheel – a message from my valentine
A true community expressed in the “WORD” picture is my family
“the community you're longing for will be an extension of your love for Darla” Rob
Break on through to the other side…

March 06 – Lent for the 1st time – exploring what is separating me from LOVE
The hidden face of a Liar
Pay attention without going to sleep – Beholding a miracle by L. Kushner
Cleaning the inside of the bowl and the mildew on the outside of the house
Landscaping from the True Gardener
Confessional space heals the wounded heart
Alex and David – where are they going?
The Prayer of St. Patrick
The gospel goes mobile – the community of faith goes with us where ever we go
Loving the Complainer – joining the Exodus story

Well I guess looking back over the last year,

we have entered the creation story,
walked through the deconstruction steps just like Abraham,
and now we find ourselves in the wilderness with Moses and God’s people preparing ourselves to enter a new land full of possibilities where we will plant our own crops and build our owns dwelling communities.

Now that sounds exciting!