If I lived in the first century, and my family for the last 40 generations had carried with them the weight of imprisonment, I would take freedom very very seriously. In fact our whole attitude and way of life would be centered on one ancient but profound act that set our family free from 4 centuries of oppression. A tradition that has been passed down from generation to generation would involve remembering the great Divine work of Freedom. The best way for our people to understand freedom was to remember that we were liberated from our enslavement.

To truly know freedom is to remember captivity.

This “remembering time” would occur around the time of spring known as Passover. As I am just learning about this I think I will journal this time on my blog, maybe others will learn as I learn. My hope is that this journey is more than obtaining knowledge; rather that it is an internal journey.

As I follow in the footsteps of many who have walked before me, I recognize that the Creator of All is the One who transforms all who travel the great path. It is our choice to acknowledge Him or not. I choose to acknowledge what I do not understand, but rather choose to go beyond that point led by the Spirit of YHWH.

My Own Prison
Originally uploaded by ryan_carville.

what is freedom? is it just doing what i want when i want?

Am I not then just a slave to my whims and fancies? What if my fancies are not really coming from me? Maybe I have desires that were placed in my head by others. Am I truly free if I follow those desires? What if I have instinctive drives that are harmful to myself? Can you call me free if I am bound by those drives? What about compulsive or addictive behavior? Bad habits? Can't you also be a slave to what you want?

True freedom is the ability to express who you really are. If there are levels to your personality that have not been explored, if your soul has not had the opportunity to be expressed, then you are not yet free.

"Passover is all about breaking out of our constraints, attaining personal freedom. Each of us is enslaved inwardly in some way or another and Passover helps us break out of our personal slavery and become free. Doing things that are beyond our comfort zone, pushing our limits for the sake of a higher purpose, a higher calling, actually liberates us.

I think this is a concept many people don't recognize. We think of slavery as someone else enslaving us, but in truth, we are often the ones enslaving ourselves. We are so busy being influenced by money, by society, by external pressures, that our true identity and abilities can be hidden.

It is this slavery that keeps people caught up in "Egypt," in the false safety net of their lives, in their external distractions, and it keeps people from going into the wilderness of their souls, from delving deeply into themselves.

It is only when we realize what we have within, that we can act from the inside out instead of the outside in." Matisyahu

The Sages tell us that the leaving of Egypt is a constant process. It means realising our freedom, in all aspects of our lives. What does this mean?

For a plant, freedom means good soil, water and light. To be trapped in one place does not worry the plant. It does not expect to be able to move around. But an animal does. For an animal food and water are not enough. The animal also needs freedom of movement. But the animal does not feel deprived if we do not teach it how to read and write, how to think and be creative. So we come to the higher freedom of a human being. He or she needs food and water, freedom of movement - and also education, creativity, freedom of self-expression.

what do we mean by self-expression? It means a sense of identity, the quest for knowledge, for the "imago dei" expression in daily life. If we take this away, or limit it, then the aspect of the person - his or her essential aspect - is not free. It is in Egypt.

The way to go free is to let this "imago dei" aspect express itself. In every generation, and indeed every day, this is our private Exodus, our personal, our "true self' liberation.

The Exodus and Daily Meditation

There is a kind of personal deliverance from 'Egypt' every time we stop and still ourselves before the Creator. The soul of each person is a sacred portion of the Divine. However, the soul feels itself to be trapped by the limitations and self-centredness of the body and the ordinary material concerns of the person. For the soul, this is a kind of Egypt. In fact the Hebrew word for Egypt, Mitzrayim, is very similar to the Hebrew word for 'limitations', meytzarim. Sometimes the person is able to leave these limitations of material concerns, at least for a few moments.

This is a brief moment when the person is actually focused on the One of Being. For those few seconds one is oblivious to the weather, the state of the world, the meal one is going to eat, the possibility of buying a later model convertable. At this moment there is just the individual and God. Temporarily at least, for the soul, this is freedom.

What does all this mean to me here and now?

Today I felt the warmth of the sun and the spray of the sprinkler on my feet. I looked deep into creation through the evergreen blades of grass glistening around my feet and for just a moment I was ok... in the center most part of me... I was free for a moment.

a dialogue worth having

i began reading "the meaning of Jesus" this weekend. it is a difficult read, yet i am completely intrigued by the first two chapters. borg challenges me on one end, wright pushes me beyond what i thought i knew on the other. i wonder what it was like for the two of them to work on this project coming from such diverse perspectives?

reading the foot notes

i just finished reading "sex god" by rob bell. it was fantastic. i think it was better than his first book. there was a lot of material in this book that i hadn't heard him teach on. and the real bonus is the reference/notes/comments section; he gives people a whole new rabbit trail to chase. whether you are single or married this book is a must read just for the exposure to a larger understanding of what sex is and isn't all about.

ache

i ache today

from the center of my being

i try to look away

but the ache remains

i don't want to be alone

love is such a mystery

she wounds

she heals

deep in a cave

i want to hide

heavy is my chest

where is the air

hear me

beautiful One

come to my aid

do not let this depair

grip too tight

humble me

restore hope

or live with pain

if i must

and he shall come riding a red stallion

and a cry of great joy was heard throughout the land! for the rider and his steed had come at dusk and rescued the winn people from their plight. the great horn of hampshire was blown as the red stallion rolled upon the wild plains of overgrown cloverleaf and dandelion.

can i just tell you how overjoyed i was to see my good friend pull up in his truck with his mighty red riding lawn mower. not only did he cut my grass, but all the leaves were sucked up like some wicked kirby vaccum was unleashed upon the fields of weeds and such. then all the kids got a turn riding the mower. it was as good as pony rides at a birthday party. my friend stayed and the rest of his family came over as we shared a fine meal together. we topped off the night with a game of apples to apples. if you haven't played, you are missing the boat.

seriously, i want you to know it really did my soul good for my friend to show up just at the right time. he may or may not have read my plea for help on saturday, but when he came with mower in tow, he brought a little piece of hope along with him. when the lee and winn family come together, the ten of us make one heck of a party.

i think God does hear the whinning and complaining of his kids. and unlike me he responds using all the resources under heaven and on the earth, so that we might know His goodness to us.

thank you anthony, my good friend... may your deed be returned to you 100 fold!

the movement of creativity

"A man who works with his hands is a laborer; a man who works with his hands and his mind is a craftsman; but a man who works with his hands and his brain and his heart is an artist."

(St. Thomas Aquinas)

broken camera - lens of life is cracked

things are breaking all around us. this week our garage door buckled while trying to close, today while walking at lake ella our camera dropped and busted into two pieces, and then this afternoon one of our girls pushed a boy down and he fell on his glasses cracking the lens. his mom came down and told me that he had just bought the glasses and they were nearly $200. she is a single mom i think and has five boys one who has mental disabilities. who knows what kind of life she really has behind the doors of her house.

ok all of this is going to sound really stupid but here it is. we sold all of our stuff because we were hoping to move to hawaii to start a creative community center or something like that. now we are back in our house and have minimal stuff. the minimal stuff is not so bad. but we have no lawn equipment and now it is time to do spring yard work. it is a different feeling not being able to just go out and do what it is you need to do because you don't have the tools to do it. it sort of is a trapped kind of feeling.

yes we have neighbors and friends who would gladly let us borrow their lawn stuff, but that flows against the grain of being self sufficient. so does being self sufficient somehow work against the idea of community?

now the family camera is broken, this has become almost a 6th member of our family. we have shared many moments of our life with our friends through the pictures taken from our camera. but does a broken garage door come first? not to mention my wife's glasses are just about out of prescription. oh yeah i forgot that the timer on our dryer doesn't work so sometimes it just goes for hours and hours if we fall asleep and forget to check it. oh yeah and the ceiling fan in delaney's room doesn't work, well the light part works but the fan part doesn't. is it neglecting these things or is it trying to get by with minimal stuff? at this point i really don't know.

is this the grip of materialism or is it being lazy or is this simply being retarded? once again i don't know. and if all men struggle with wanting to fix things what does all this broken stuff say about me. i really don't like this post one bit. in fact i think i should just delete it. i really don't want all you people out there to know that i am this whacked out about this silly crap.

self taught artist - art in public places

"You can find God through your art for God is spirit. The nature of God is love, that's nature. You use that God nature to reach out to people. The universality of life - and the universality of art - is based on this spirit. They're one and the same."

James Washington

akeelah and me

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – by Marianne Williamson

this is a quote from the film akeelah and the bee. laurence fishburne co-stars in it, when he reads this quote he sounds like the voice of a rabbi. his character plays that of a teacher, i can't help but to hear the voice of morpheus from the matrix films (which i love). we checked this movie out from the public library so i am sure many of you have already seen it. if not go to your local library and check it out for yourself.


ps. when i was in elementary school i also entered the spelling bee. needless to say i did not win. i didn't even come close. somehow along the way i forgot how to spell. i mean really spell, like the way the doctor teaches akeelah in the movie. i wish i could learn again, because i love words. a little secret is that my wife edits all my posts so that i don't sound like a third grader. one day i will grow up and learn how to spell big words like entrepreuner or something like that.

pss. therefore i really suck at scrabble.

reading the pages of my life

last week i picked up rob bell's new book SEX GOD. i am reading session 2 "sexy on the inside." i realize that lifting one section out of any book is a dangerous thing. in light of the tone and thoughts of my entire blog, i think this quote is in context of my journey.

"you can't be connected with God until you're at peace with who you are. if you're still upset that God gave you this body or this life or this family or these circumstances, you will never be able to connect with God in a healthy, thriving, sustainable sort of way. you'll be at odds with your maker. and if you can't come to terms with who you are and the life you've been given, you'll never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they've been given. and until you're at peace with God and those around you, you'll continue to struggle with your role on the planet, your part to play in the ongoing creation of the universe. you will continue to struggle and resist and fail to connect." pg 046

that is just as plain as it gets.

identity. acceptance. relation.

the merger of role, soul and creation.

tap tap tip tap - sounds of the true me

over and over there is this phrase that seems to come up -

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“be who you were created to be”

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this language is not new by any means but it does have a nuance that has been lost in translation for me. coming from a western evangelical background, i thought that who i was created to be was to look like a certain cookie cutter shape of the average middle-class american republican christian. that definition doesn’t work for me anymore. i am walking away from that understanding and embracing the idea that I am uniquely shaped from the inside out. To get to the core of the real me is to search for the imago dei.

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i am reorienting my life around this concept. if I am the truest me that I can be, then the natural outcome is a sort of ripple effect to those around me. It impacts my wife, then it impacts my children, next are those that I have regular unplanned contact with, and then lastly those that I may only meet once. It is not really me affecting them (like putting on a bright yellow jacket.) it is a sort of divine spark that somehow just comes out from the center of my being.

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the divine spark is in everyone.

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it is like breathing, when you stop breathing your spark is no longer seen by those on earth. what happens beyond that i am not exactly sure? i hope that all sparks are gathered together into the Original Light of Being.

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so how did I get to this place? i am constantly confronted by the pure life of the rabbi from nazareth. the narrative of Jesus captivates me. the more i read and experience the story; the more it transforms my inner man. from the Jesus story I look back to the people of Yahweh before him, and through their story they remind me to remember what was the “original intent” of God and man – to be together and walk the earth in harmony with all things.

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tonight we went to see happy feet the movie. i think it is a great story of “being true to who you are” regardless of what others try to tell you about who you should or shouldn’t be. the film portrays well that life will hand you difficulties in the midst of that pursuit and it may come a great cost. but those momentary losses will pale in comparison to the significant ripple caused by people who are truly authentic. as in the movie, your identity may turn out to be the small key to bring about great reward to many; hmmm, that sounds a lot like the narrative of the kingdom of God at work to me.

why go to the pool if you're not sick?

this is a very interesting painting: follow the artist story here

what does spring hold?

an ancient path

Moses on the mountain, Noah in the ark, Elijah on Mt. Horeb, and Jesus in the wilderness. All are stories of the people of God on a trek of the soul. The season of Lent is a journey of reflection. Central to this journey is dialogue. It is not mere conversation, rather it is time given to allow one's soul to speak to its Creator. What enviroment might give way to this solitude of the inner man with the Divine?

Last night it was one passionate Christ follower mixing deep trans-like electronica loops fused with subtle orations of ancient truths. The room was filled with stations, a blank canvas, tea candles, a map under black light, and stones with a basin of water. In and of themselves all very ordinary objects, but mixed with desperate souls and the Spirit of the Living God they became the means to journey inward.

Reflection. Examination. Release.

As I sat at the "Fellowship" station furnished with one large candle, many smaller tea candles, and a paper that read:

God came to Earth.
Like us, He was flesh,
His name was Jesus.

Jesus' light was bright.

He died and his light went out.

But three days later, the light was back.
Jesus rose from the dead.
He was wholly human and wholly God.

Humbled by these images and sacred truths I penned these words:

Ages ago when Light shattered
it began to seek to restore itself.
When the time was full the One Who is Light came to all.
With His great Light He draws all sparks to unite.
Deep within the dark of man dwells a divine spark.
What draws the flicker to flame?
He is the One who is the Name.

No longer exiled in the shadowlands,
the hearts of man are called to ignite the sacred flame.
What once was like wax has melted down,
only the pool of liquid grace remains.
Carry we must our eternal spark
through time and space
until all light is restored
to the One True God.

Last night was such a beautiful expression of faith. It was a natural extension of the Lent journey I find myself on with countless others across the globe. May you find this season one that prepares your heart to know His Grace once again.

the first day of lent

What does it mean to enter the season of Lent? Where did the tradition come from? Along with many people for generations long ago and for many to come, the people of God will travel through this time. I hope to emerge from this time with a sense that it has been a time of reflection and transformation.
Mars Hill (Grand Rapids) has setup a link for daily readings during this season of Lent. Today as I found my way into the sacred story of the people of God, asking some of the same questions of those who walk the road of faith before me. Maybe lent is a season of honest questions to oneself.

Luke 18: If you are content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.

Hebrews 12: Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God?

Job 3: What's the point of life when it doesn't make sense? When God blocks all the roads to meaning?

Psalm 32: When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became daylong groans.... Then I let it all out, I said, "I'll make a clean breast of my failures to God."

I join with the many who will wander the wilderness of Lent these next 40 days knowing that we are not alone.

speak or crush the stone

A great man once lived who was a sage leader of an unknown people. For four decades he led these nomadic people on a soul journey through the wilderness of identity. This reluctant leader listened to the moans and complaints of the people and finally became weary of their lack of faith in the promise given to them. Frustration was his companion.

One day on the side of an ancient mountain he heard the voice of the One God. In a time when the people were famished and their souls dry like the desert, the One of Being asked him to give aid to the people’s cry. He was to speak to the mountain rock, speak to the center of where lies an abundant stream of water to nourish body and soul.

The frustrated leader acted not from his heart but from his emotional dross and smites the mountain rock with his staff. Despite the leader’s actions, the One God used the man’s wrong doing and brought forth water for the people. Symbolically the people who had been entrusted to the leader were the mountain rock, but the man was unaware of the symbol until later in his life.

This frustrated leader loved and hated by the people never physically saw the final destination of the people, yet he passed on with the promise in place in the center of his being knowing that the One God would bring about the identity of the people who followed the Name.

I have found myself in this ancient story. For I am the leader of a people; the people are the ones who have been entrusted to my care. My frustration seems to grow from an unrealized dream. I listen to the complaints and the bickering amongst my children. It fuels my angst that nothing wonderful can come this way. And so the seed of discontent plants itself; its roots take hold of my words. When I am tested to be their life caretaker amidst their nagging and complaining, I strike out with careful chosen words that sting ever so slightly or give a quick jab to whatever inanimate object might be near.

I am walking in the Moses story on so many levels. Out of my frustration and discontent, I traverse the days hoping that one day something wonderful will come this way.

Last night I was brought to this revelation of the story I am in by the simple reaction to a poignant scene in the movie the Bridge to Terabithia. I found myself covered in a sea of tears as I watched a father give striking verbal blows to his dreamer son. Wading in my own sorrow, I looked over to see my middle daughter sobbing. Somehow this simple fantasy story transported a real father and daughter to the harsh reality of how things are at home.

But all is not lost. Hope still lingers, because in my heart I know that if I am hearing the soul of my family cry out, then I am not too far away from the arms of Grace. With my humbled heart I reach out to the One who Heals all and ask for his Mercy. And I know that He restores the broken dreams of his people. Maybe something wonderful has come this way and it dwells in the hearts of the ones I have been entrusted to love and care for.

new year for trees

In the Hebrew way of life there comes a day each year to stop and celebrate new beginnings. The New Year for Trees usually occurs between mid-January and mid February signifying the end of the winter rainy season; it marks the renewal of the cycle of growth.

I cannot begin to say how closely that parallels the season of life I am in right now. For the last several weeks, a close friend of mine who moved back to the Tallahassee area and I have been talking about who are we at the core of our being. From those conversations, a reoccurring theme has been: helping people move from where they are to the place they want to be. I think my post from January 19th speaks to this in detail.

It became official on February 1, the formation of a people group who are focused on helping people move from one place to the next; a legal entity called Catalyst Consultant Group LLC was formed. Yes, we have a Federal Employee Identification Number. What is very interesting about this new business formation is that it is not just something that we want to do; it is something being birthed from who we are at the core of our God given inner shape. I think when something is birthed from the core of who you are, it is from the “imago dei.” It is very possible that from that image of God within you, there is an unending supply of power, energy, and creativity. I think we may have actually stumbled upon something wonderful.

Thomas Merton seems to communicate over and over the idea that if you are doing and being who you were created and intended to be, then you are communing with God unceasingly. I am beginning to rethink what it looks like when Paul writes “pray unceasingly.” It doesn’t just look like kneeling in a pew, bowing you head, or closing you eyes for a certain length of time. I think in surrendering your everyday life to God, you place yourself in a humble attitude of communion every moment.

Isaiah says “as you come, the mountains and hills will burst into song, and the tree of the countryside will clap their hands.” (55:10)

Maybe when the people of God “come into” and become who they were created and intended to be, the whole earth rejoices. It is good news for the people of the earth when God’s people learn their true identity from the imago dei.

a change of perspective

Painting number 1 (1601) = Supper at Emmaus

Painting number 2 (1606) - Supper at Emmaus

I came across this illustration while reading Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian culture. Both paintings are done by the same artist - Caravaggio. The second one is five years after the first. As an artist he is interpreting the story of Jesus at the table with the men he met on the road to Emmaus. What do you think he is trying to say?