Friday, January 18, 2008

my own private utopia

Sorry I’ve been away for awhile, I’ve been walking down the road of self-obsession. Its funny, when I first started walking down the path it was really exciting. Almost like the rush of a good drug leaving me wanting more. Like an addict, I couldn’t realize the effect of my condition on those around me. I was self-absorbed in my own world. In my own world there is more than enough to keep me stimulated and feeling alive… so I thought. Something happened last night, call it divine intervention, because I am still walking in a daze. I was jerked out of my own private utopia to find my real life here on earth I have a beautiful wife who is so thirsty for the deep drink of love yet is parched like a lost desert wonderer, and three loving daughters who are starving for the days when they can share daddy’s lap and just play till the evening bell tolls. It was as if someone who loves me came walking gently into my dark den of self-pity carrying a warm candle and found me with the needles of my addiction hanging from my arm. My eyes were changed; I look at the den that once gave me the reason do it again now feels like a dungeon that imprisons me from a true life.

The change is happening…the source of my wanting to live comes from not wanting to live for myself but to live my life for my family. May it be so, and may the One who leads the prisoners out keep my eyes and heart open to the Love that is right here! May I be fully present today and tomorrow!