searching for Life

What if I had the words to say what I was feeling on the inside? What if I could articulate the journey that is taking place beneath my skin? It is as if I am caught under the ice and am grasping for breath hoping to find a break in the surface that I might burst through. In the beginning of this journey, the One who is Truth seemed to lead me to this phrase…I came that you might have Life.

I have searched high and low and have only grasped a glimpse at this Life. It seems like most of the time it eludes me and at other times I ignore that it is possible. It seems that the Life looks nothing like I thought it would. No fame, no riches, no accolades of men, so what is this Life. The Rabbi once said, “One must lose his life in order to find it.” I think I have found the first part of that verse to be true. I have most definitely lost my life. Meaning the life I have lived over the last decade has completely vanished into thin air over the last few months. No wonder few people intentionally set out to lose their life because is it down right terrifying. When one comes to the end of themselves, it is absolutely unnerving. So where am I? Where is the real me? Can my Rabbi find me and lead me through the valley of this unknown land? Can the One who gave me my first breath cause my heart to beat once again for the purpose of bringing hope and healing into the land my feet daily traverse? And so I wait…