a cup of criticism please...
How do you handle heavy criticism among your peers? I found myself in such a place last week. I was sharing ideas about an exciting project that was being developed for our business with a group of managers. When I was finished laying out the basics concepts, I was bombarded with what I perceived as the “let’s figure out all the faults of the project before it even gets started” session. A flash of lava hot anger flared in my gut, I wanted to stand up and shout “you are all a bunch of flippin’ idiots!” and the storm out the door.
For some reason I kept mouth shut and forced myself to listen to their criticism of the project. I responded by saying, “I really appreciate all of your comments and feedback, I hope that as this project rolls out, you will have the same level of intensity to see it succeed.” The meeting moved on to the next topic and I sat in my chair and just wrestled with what just happened. I felt as though on some subconscious level of theirs, they were celebrating the fact that they had completely knocked the wind out of my sails to prove they were superior to the ideal of the project.
As the meeting concluded, I began to internally scan their comments for any valid areas of concern and found two. I left the meeting and called a support team and discussed with them the two points of concern, together we came up with solutions which made very good structural sense. This week I will look to see how to implement them.
All in all, I learned a very valuable lesson, as a creative and passionate person who puts a little piece of me into every project I am in, when I am asked to give my creative energy to a project it is a gift and I can not be responsible for how that gift is criticized. My strength comes from the fact that I know the creative process is good no matter what others opinions might be about it and how I handle constructive criticism is part of that creative process.
5 comments:
you definitely know how to live skillfully! :) it takes a lot of skill and wisdom to keep our mouths shut, doesn't it? anyone can just blow their top, but you used your skills to remain calm, and objectively LISTEN to their "concerns" whether valid or not.... and because you were willing to listen with wisdom, you actually heard some valid concerns and are now going to be able to better serve these people... sounds like you are loving God and loving your neighbor.... the selfish thing would have been to storm out! way to go! that solomon was onto to something, wasn't he?
Michael,
You sound like a good leader.
In my experience, people in general (including myself sometimes) resist CHANGE, and will tear apart anything new that comes along, because it is unfamiliar.
Appreciating them for their comments is a great way to deflate their defensiveness to making changes.
I would have struggled to keep my mouth shut--and actually have had similar opportunities lately.
Blessings on your week!
Michael -
I can relate. Had to stomach alot of that in my life. Sounds to me like you handled it in an excellent way. I work in the IT (Info Tech) business (computers, networks, etc.) and am always running into big egos and databanks of worthless posturing and knowledge.
Don't ever let them take the wind out of your sails. The only way they can do that is if you give worth to their words. Sounds to me like you are almost there already. You realize their attacks are simply posturing.
I have found something else along that way that helps as well. When I have an idea or plan, rather than present the whole plan, I start by presenting the problem or task, and then ask for input. I listen to the ideas bounce around, and let them go at each other for a bit, and then lob my idea in the form of a question, like "hey, what if we did this....What would you guys think would be the strengths or weaknesses in that approach? What would be the likely outcome?", etc. Then again, I back off and let them hash it out. Amazing that it usually comes out to be the way we proceed, with all behind it. Not always, of course.
Another tool I use when dealing with a difficult situation where I feel attacked is "When you said/did ... I felt ...". It opens up dialogue when I feel someone has really attacked me, but maybe didn't realize the impact. Some may blow you off, but a reasonable person will respond positively. Seems to work better for me than "That was uncalled for", "You guys sure are negative", "You know, that was not very kind..", etc... They can argue with those, but they can't argue with how you felt... after all, it's your feeling, not theirs, that you are expresssing.
I am impressed with your maturity and ability to see the situation the way you do. For some, it takes many years to develop that, and for others, they never do...
God bless you, friend...
Jeff
Thank you Darla for supporting me this week. I know it seems like I have been in a weird space. Just keep praying for me, this time will surely pass.
Thanks David for your comment, I enjoyed talking with you the other night. May we continue to walk together on this journey of faith.
Hey Jeff, I have had to re-read your comments a couple of times. Mostly because they are so spot on it's hard to grasp. I really appreciate your relational insight. Looking forward to more dialogue with you.
Wow, Michael, this was so good: “I really appreciate all of your comments and feedback, I hope that as this project rolls out, you will have the same level of intensity to see it succeed.” I throw myself into my own creative endeavors in my work environment, and sometimes have to steel myself for seeing it hacked apart - especially if I'm presenting it to a committee, because then it's a given. Your comment was not only gracious, but a reminder to everyone to bring the same kind of passion to the project in a positive way. Criticism and negativity can be so addictive; it's good for us to be reminded which direction we should steer that intensity.
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