decentralized yet still connected

“In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.”
– James writing to fellow gardeners

I love the picture that James paints with these words. I really enjoy landscaping. I’m not much of a gardener when it comes to flowers and such, but give me an overgrown lawn or a hedge that needs to be trimmed and I am all in. While staying with Darla’s parents, I have had the chance to help out with the yard work. Darla’s father has put a lot of time into cultivating a beautiful yard in the front and the back. Looking from my perspective, I can see the landscaping of the flowers and elephant ear plants in the front that are carefully carved out with a nice edge to allow for good rain water to soak and drain properly. I can also see the beautiful green shrubs that line the walkway in the backyard around the pool. Even though these plants are thriving in there own respective environment, they are unaware of their connectedness in the overall beauty of the property. Nevertheless, each flower, shrub, tree, and blade of grass make up this carefully nurtured parcel of land.

What if this were a picture of a group of people who had this deep sense that there must be something more to life than just doing my own thing? What if they some how felt connected to something larger than just the patch of dirt where they were planted?

Over the years Darla’s dad has given us plants from his yard for us to take back to our home and plant in our garden. And from time to time he has transplanted flowers from his backyard to the front yard and vice versa. Each time the plant is given a new environment to grow is adapts to a new location yet it doesn’t become a different kind of plant altogether. The shrub is still a shrub. The flower is still a flower. It doesn’t change the fact that the plant will be impacted by its new environment, but it never loses sight of the fact that is a one part of a larger garden that has been cultivated by a loving gardener.

what do we learn in home school?

What do we learn at home?

After making the decision to home school their three children Mike and Dee, set out to give it their best effort to become parent-teachers. Two days into the adventure, it becomes quite clear that unless Mike and Dee work together this home school is going to take them to school. As a result of the challenge of this new home school environment, Mike realizes in humility that he has been very distant from the everyday learning experiences of his children, while he was in pursuit of the dream career life for himself. Mike begins to appreciate through personal experience the incredible patience it requires to be a teacher of two students, much less a classroom of eighteen. Continuing to nibble on his own piece of humble pie, he realizes just how deeply he has completely missed out on the real life, in the process of trying to get everything for himself in order to fill his hunger for meaning and purpose. What is it that drives a man to run the opposite direction of the true life he was created to live?

How amazing is it that in just a few short days the demeanor and attitude of his children had changed? What is the home school? Maybe it was simply the total engagement of Mike and Dee in the everyday lives of their children down to the smallest detail that was beginning to heal the apathetic and broken spirit of their family. Mike and Dee had unknowingly entered the world in which the children lived. Mike and Dee quickly learned that it took their complete devotion and commitment together to make this home school project run smoothly.

During this project Mike remembered times when in the past he had gone to pick up the kids from school. At the time he felt so good about himself, but the reality was he really thought it was an interruption in his very important day or rather it was a really good excuse to get out of work for the afternoon. He wasn’t genuinely interested in their day because he was completely emerged in his self-absorbed life. Grace to be forgiven for such a shallow attempt at fatherhood is hard to accept. Nonetheless, that was exactly the place Mike sensed he was being led. Can a simple act of changing one’s idea from selfishness towards an ideal of family wholeness cause the course of life to change?

In the middle of all of this, Mike and Dee received a call from a very close friend who informed them that there was a great need at one of the local elementary schools. Mike and Dee sat down with the kids and explained the situation and asked how they should respond as a family. The kids decided they wanted to help by enrolling in the school. For the first time, Mike and Dee were making a decision with the whole family and it was for a greater good beyond themselves. Maybe this time when Mike picks them up from school and asks about their day, he will mean it. Maybe when he looks at the papers they have brought home from school, he won’t be just concerned with the grade as much as thinking of what it must have been like, felt like, tasted like to complete that project.

This leads Mike down further down the road of reflection where he sees just how big a load Dee has been carrying when it comes to the education and overall care of the family. He can’t imagine what kept her from just giving up and walking out the door. At that moment he sees Dee as the most beautiful and nurturing mother under what must have been the most overwhelming circumstances. How can he begin to tell her how much he loves her and will stand with her hand in hand as they walk out the rest of their life together. Together they will live the deeply soul connected story of the-two-became-one marriage life. In this life partnership of commitment and promise they must remember the sacred space of the family circle. They vow to strive towards true life together. Keeping at the forefront of their minds eye, how they think about, prepare for, and lovingly discipline their kids, will set in motion an environment of hope and inspiration.

Looking at the man in the mirror, Mike sees himself, as the outline of a changed man, husband, and father. No longer is it an idealistic way to view the family relationship, but it is becoming a reality, that together with Dee, they will meet the challenge to teach their children about life in the midst of the everyday ordinary eating, sleeping, and going to whatever and not just every three weeks or so when they are feeling guilty about the lack of connection with the kids.

And so the journey continues…

While driving in the rain

One day Mike and Dee’s father were riding in the car. Mike began talking about how he was raised as a child in a passive disciplinary home environment, not that it was the ideal home, but no family is perfect. Now in his own family, Mike and Dee are working out the best they can, learning how to be a parent and a spouse with all the pressures of the world crashing in all around. The new changes in the family are so upside down. Mike has become the man-mommy, staying at home cleaning and keeping things mostly in disorder; while Dee has found great income potential as a legal consultant. In this topsy-turvy family dynamic, everyone is under tremendous pressure. Can this be right? Is this the American way?

Speaking to Dee’s father is very difficult for Mike. Having lost the chance to have any kind of relationship with his own father some twenty years ago, it often takes a little nudging, and prodding from Dee to encourage Mike to speak openly about life issues with her Dad. Maybe Mike is realizing that this healing time is for everyone not just those around him. Early one Sunday morning Dee and Mike, find themselves in a raw but honest conversation about how things are really going. It is a beautiful and difficult moment of discovery. Mike and Dee are realizing that there are little cracks in their souls, and for what ever reason this intense period of waiting is bringing to the surface every splinter. They both admit to each other, if they had it their way they would walk away from this crazy story, but yet somehow they sense there is no turning back.

Later that day they come across a confession of another tormented life traveler, an ancient poet and king, who penned these words:

The opening:
Long enough, GOD-
you've ignored me long enough.
I've looked at the back of your head long enough.
Long enough, I've carried this ton of trouble,
lived with a stomach full of pain.

The closing:
I've thrown myself
headlong into your arms--
I'm celebrating your rescue.
I'm singing at the top of my lungs,
I'm so full of answered prayers.

Reading it together, they both wonder out loud; how does the poet king make it from the opening to the closing. As the air suddenly becomes heavy, Mike can sense deep down inside a cry that has been trapped for several days. No longer able to hold it back, wondering if hope is truly lost or if any rescue is on the way, the tears of his soul break the silence. Streaming down his face blurring his vision, he can barely see to drive. How can he even operate under these conditions? Is there any one out there? Does any one know the pain he knows deep down inside?

In this sacred pause of time and space, Mike touches the wound that he shares with his soul mate. How long has Dee carried this wound alone? Joined by the tears of pride released, maybe today was the day that the two became one, waiting for the rescue while driving in the rain.

Warning! Do not try this at home!

The story you are about to read is a true story. The names and places of the actual individuals have been changed to protect their identity. Any reproduction or transmission of this story in whole or in part is strictly forbidden and protected by copyright laws.

In our story today, we peek in at the lives of what was an ordinary middle class suburban family living in the south. Mike and Dee are the typical married couple with three children. Trying to make ends meet in an ever increasing credit card world, and living beyond their means for nearly ten years, they found themselves nearly $30,000 in debt. The debt story is the same story for thousands of Americans who because of the low home refinancing rates and constant bombardment of materialistic seduction find themselves sucked into a never ending buying vacuum. As hard as Mike and Dee try, they can’t seem to shake the habit. This is a habit of buying what they want when they want because they have the credit by which to purchase anything they want. They rationalize to themselves that Mike’s next bonus or Dee’s income from the next home business project will bring a chunk of cash of which they will put toward the debt. The fool proof plan fails because something inevitably comes up in which the money is needed and the debt grows with compounding interest.

Mike and Dee’s story takes an interesting turn for the worst when Mike decides to quit his job in search of a more fulfilling life purpose. Selling all their possessions, they decide to move in with Dee’s parents while they wait for the sale of the house. Once again their hope is in one big chunk of cash to set them free to live life as they desire. Mike and Dee have fallen into the trap of the money escape hatch. What they don’t realize is that they have already escaped.

For them it is very difficult to know that they have escaped because they are so close to the situation. The escape is not the difficult part all though it takes incredible fortitude to make the jump from one lifestyle to another, but the real challenge comes when because of the jump you see how messed up and out of order your life had become. Re-prioritizing comes with a great deal of pain, like a drug addict going through detox. It feels like the pain is too much to handle. It would just be better to go back to the old way of living. The problem is when you make the “life jump” there is no going back because you have already seen the truth.

When the desire to spend is gone it is a natural response of the human body to need a stimulus to replace that empty feeling. Worry becomes the new stimuli for the life jumpers. How will the bills get paid? How are we going to take care of next month’s food and gas needs? Once again it is difficult to see when you are in the moment, but worry is really vain superstition. This is a time of raw emotions and self-doubt. It is the condition which requires the warning, “Do not attempt this at home!” For Mike and Dee this internal motive examination feels like the life of a bug under the magnifying glass feeling the heat of the sunlight intensified to the point that external combustion is almost certain. If you have made it to this point in the story, Mike and Dee would like to seriously warn you to keep your ordinary comfortable lives. This is too difficult. If anyone tells you it will be fine you’ll make it through, turn and run for your life. It is impossible to make this journey alone.

Mike and Dee are fortunate enough to have a couple of friends who want to help them through this difficult transformational process. But there is another force at work in this story. To admit you have a problem, is to admit that you are weak, therefore the internal mechanism of pride rises to the top and paralyzes the individual to reach out for help. In a social climate that recognizes and promotes self resolution, humility and meekness is considered useless and ineffective.

Extended family can be a powerful aid in this difficult as well, however the addictions of the family can be traced from generation to generation. Mike and Dee while staying at her parent’s house find this to be true. It is like a double edge sword; in this concentrated environment near the source of contention, it has the potential to completely heal the ailment or to bring about certain death of the life jumper’s spirit. Just one incident that comes close to the original wound can bring you to the edge of the knife of destruction that kills the spirit of hope or it can set you free to live life like never before. Many times in this concentrated environment there are repeated “close calls.”

Once again please, Do not attempt this at home! We must break for station identification and messages from our supporters. What will happen to Mike and Dee? Stay tuned.

To be continued…

this restoration life

when I was four
I lived life outloud
with toys and more.

the mach5 and star wars
no guilt no shame
for freedom was my game.

what will tomorrow bring?
a day of play or a day of pain?

digging in the dirt
trying to make a way through
what darkness lay around the corner?

the innocense stolen from a boy
when those who are so close
are the ones who have the power
to wound so deeply.

how deep the wounds run
when time runs like sand
how deep, how long, will brokeness remain?
forgotten is the path of pain.

so easy to forget
for to remember is to be afflicted once again
as age grows on, the road to heal fades in the distance
how far away, how closer still, is the splintered soul?

a deeper magic still there is
for there is One who restores better than before
gathering shattered glimmers of light
until all is made whole again.

is this the marvelous light that shines through the darkness
can it be so? Can hope return to free despair?

now the boy become a man
begins to hope again
stepping forth with trembling fear
it is time to look into despair?

for through the darkness light prevails
the buried wound now laid bare
feels the balm of the healing pool of life.

what is the pool of light that heals my wounds?
emerging from the stream of Life
only an outline of the wound remains
for I have been freed to live again.

to live outloud
everyday I am being re-made
better than before.

this is restoration
this is the life
I live today.

the first day of a new month

Today is the first day of August and it seems as though a new chapter has begun. Our friends Brian and Candace arrived in Honolulu yesterday to begin the process of finding the essentials, living quarters, job opportunities, and schooling for the kids.

We are still waiting for the sale of our house before we can begin planning our departure to the islands. After evaluating what our basic needs are, we have are lowering the asking price of our home from $195k to $188k. Hopefully, the price reduction will bring in a wider range of buyers. We are traveling back to Tallahassee this weekend to check on the house and to turn off some of the utilities. We are looking forwarded to having dinner with some close friends while we are there and to have a few days of solitude to listen to the One who illuminates the path.

We are preparing to home school the oldest girls through an online virtual classroom from K12.com. What an amazing idea, public school online! We will have outlines, text books, computers, and a designated teacher to have available for questions and monthly assessments for the kids, all for free! And the great thing is K12.com is in about 15 states now including Hawaii.

This morning I met with Rob (realsoulsurfer). We sat in his living room and just talked about life and how things were going. It was amazing to me that he would sacrifice his time to talk with me when I have nothing to offer him or his ministry. His genuine care for me and my family is an inspiration. One thing I shared with him was concerning my newly developing awareness about what it means to be the provider of the family. For so long provider meant a material provider, but now I am being exposed to a fuller understanding of the father/provider role. In the past, I gave 95% of my creative energies to my work and only 5% to my family. I am so ready to find a healthier balance for creative energies. I want to love my kids with all my being, not out of obligation but out of a desire to build a creative and loving environment for them to grow. While talking with Rob about that Darla called to say she may have the opportunity to make sufficient income through court reporting and that I should consider staying at home with the kids. Wow, what a chance of a lifetime! It will be such a change from the life I have known for the last ten years.

Over the last seven days I haven’t written one page of the new book project. I have been just talking with people about the concept of the book and listening to what kind of feed back I get. Thank you to everyone who commented on the blog with kinds words of affirmation. The next seven days I am brainstorming the synopsis. A daily devotion of creative wordsmithing, I guess you could say. Tonight I bought a green spiral notebook (at the Dollar Tree- living on a budget you know) to begin the process.

Well that is a pretty good update one what is happening to the Winn people along this journey. Who knows what the next 40 days will hold. I am looking forward with great anticipation!

May you find the One who holds all things together busy at work in the most unlikely places, capturing your heart once again!

Hoping for the 7th Day

Last night I was watching Over Hauled on The Learning Channel. I think they might be onto something. If you haven’t watched the show, it is similar to Extreme Home Makeover on ABC. The differences are they makeover someone’s car instead of their home, and instead of sending them on vacation while redoing the house, they pretend to steal or tow away the person’s car. Rather than checking in with warm and fuzzy stories with the family and Ty Penington, the person is prank called three times setting up the final scene where they are given their completely restored and customized car.

Last night as I watched the guy squirm both on the phone and in person as the prank calls were made, I couldn’t help but to sympathize with his pain. He had spent the last four years trying to restore, with his own resources, a 96 two door Chevy Tahoe. It looked pretty good from the outside. It was painted, had sweet rims, and was slightly lowered. The guy got a job as a mechanic at a GM dealership just so he could learn how to work on his truck. The guy did not lack for dedication. But with all his dedication and hard work on the outside, the most important things, the engine and transmission, were shot. All his hard work literally got him nowhere.

Thinking about it today, there were 3 prank calls each one trying to get the guy to lose his cool. I guess one could say the pranks were mini-trials of character. The guy was really pretty level headed about the whole thing, but you could hear him agonizing over the situation. While he was agonizing the “design team” was completely stripping down the Tahoe to restore it to beyond its original design. They put in six sub-woofers, custom leather seats, air suspension kit, custom paint including an air brush symbol of a bull dog (the guy had just bought a new puppy), and 20 inch chrome wheels, and a new engine and transmission, and more.

After seven days of restoration (interesting symbolic number), the completely customized Tahoe was ready to be delivered. The host of the show met with the owner of the truck in a last prank with the wrong Tahoe on a flat bed tow truck, trying to get the guy to settle for something other than his truck. The guy said “NO Way!” Finally, the host tells the guy he is on Overhaulin' and takes him to his truck at the makeover shop.

They guy is so humbled almost to the point of tears. He keeps going on and on about how this is so amazing. How it is more than he would ever dream of and how he wouldn’t change anything! He even says, “I think I have died and gone to heaven!” He goes around hugging every single person that had anything to do with the restoration project. Not only was the truck transformed but so was he! He even says, “You have changed my life for ever!” Lastly, his fiancé, who had set up the whole thing comes out, and he just melts in her arms. His mom comes in and she too is overwhelmed by the whole thing.

Could this be a picture of how the Father works, allowing the pressures of the world to close in on us, while shaping our character along the way? All the while, He is completely working out all the details of the dream life project down to the minutest detail. Our best efforts with limited resources pales in comparison to His finished masterpiece, because only the Creator of our souls can restore the inner shape of our being. This put-back-better-than-before life is a life that was meant to be shared with others so that the Restoration Story might go on and on. So that others who feel as though life is cruel and hard might know there is hope around the corner. There can be a day 7 for every one.

My hope is that I am living the Over Hauled story of the restoration gospel. And while I am going through what seems like a cruel prank, this season is just character shaping for the customized kingdom life that is being worked on behind the scenes by the Extreme Maker of all things.

This has to be one of the most difficult passages in the sacred text:
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14

May those who read this story know that the One who is total restoration is working in your midst. Be strong, have heart, hope is on the way.

ok FINE I'll write the book!

Well after many comments here and there, and a chance meeting with the co-author of a book about the spiritual journey while at Books-a-Million one day, I am making the commitment to write a book. I guess one would ask what is the name of this book and what is it about? The best that I can tell now the working title would be:

The Real Zoo: Opening the cages of the status quo to find real life.

Thank you to all the people who have encouraged me to make this leap of faith and tell the story that seems to be taking place all around us. I don't know who would read this book or what they would do with it or why, but it seems like this is the next step in my journey.

I am also encouraged to know that I am in good company with people who weren't qualified, certified, or licensed to do _______, but nevertheless stepped out into the unknown in search of the real life hidden beneath the status quo yet a life longing to be lived.

May it be written.

the yellow brick road to Haight Street in San Francisco

Yesterday we spent the day in California with our friends from CRASH exploring Haight Street in downtown San Francisco. As we walked up and down the streets of the vintage clothing shops, smoke shops, and everything in-between, I couldn’t help but to be overwhelmed by the sense that this is a city crawling with people who are searching. We joined in the pursuit of searching for something.
Whether it is a bargain priced pair of polka dot Chuck Taylor Converse, a Mighty Mouse vintage tee, or an ancient fighting dragon tattoo, we are all looking for something. I was mesmerized by the incredible beauty of the vintage shops. Both the interior and the exterior were rich with character and nostalgia.
The towering mini Victorian flats pressed up next to one another seemed to express the cultural relationship of people, proximity, and passion. There is something very romantic about the crown modeling, panoramic window panes, and contrasting enamel color tones of these majestic urban dwellings. One can only image what kinds of stories these homes might tell if they could speak an audible language. And yet without using words they seem to speak quite loudly of life that can be lived if one is truly willing to leave the world of certain expectations behind in search for an authentic life.
And of course the shop owners and patrons were equally unique and intriguing. Freedom of expression is the rule in this alternative fashion district. In a world that seems to dictate the rules of expression and of self identity, Haight Street is a yellow brick road to a sensual expression of the hidden life.

Some may view this little corner of San Francisco as one of America’s dirty little secrets, but others may scream to the rooftops celebrating the departure from the status quo. No matter one’s political or social position, it is hard to discredit the fact that on these narrow streets there is a cultural expression spanning four decades, not to mention the positive economical impact to this San Francisco district.
Darla and I have been dreaming in the secret places of our heart that one day we would open the doors of our own eclectic little shop of expression. We both love unique clothing, memorabilia from the last four decades, and bold expressions of faith. Could our trip down Haight Street be a sampling of what our future may hold, or is it once again just a temptation of a dream that will remain just that, a dream? Can our dreams come alive once again? It is time for this little boy and his little girl who found their hearts playing together nearly 17 years ago to step into the reality of a dream come true. Oh I hope that the One-who-dreams-all-things-into-being hears the cry of our hearts.

In a world of people who are afraid to dream, may we be a story of the ones who risked everything to follow the dream of their heart.

In the words of The Missionary Heart:

Care more than some think is wise.
Risk more than some think is safe.
Dream more than some think is practical.
Expect more than some think is possible.

do you remember the name of this road?

We are all travelers down some path to somewhere. Throughout ancient time, and the time we call today, there is a road that many travelers have found their way through.

The first mention of this road is from a sacred story of a group of newly freed slaves from Egypt on a long transformational journey to become a nation. As they moved across the land, they unknowingly learned many things about spiritual formation as a community. At one point in the pilgrimage, they came to a road bordered by a long time feudal family, the Edomites. The name Edom in their language translated “red.” Red was a physical reminder of Esau, the founding father of this region.

The community of newly freed slaves from Egypt traveled very diplomatically through this area called Edom. No doubt on some level there must have been a connection with the age old family wound stemming from Jacob and Esau (Genesis 32). This wound began as a small but bitter root of Resentment. I wonder what 400 years of carrying resentment looks like? No wonder this community of newly freed slaves kept saying, “We would have been better off….” They carried the ancient wound of Resentment deep within their heritage.

The name of this road bordering Edom was called the King’s Highway (Numbers 20). It was a road that stretched from Egypt to Assyria. But for this community of newly freed slaves it was the ancient highway to remember the wound of resentment. This highway was well known to many who had traveled before them, but to them it was an unknown road with many lessons to be learned along the way.

What is the life lesson of the destructive power of unresolved family of origin issues to those who are traveling along the King’s Highway? Maybe that is the point of the story; release from physical bondage is only one part of the transformational life of Freedom. The second half is to travel through oppression at the deepest level of one’s soul.

This doesn’t sound like a walk in the park to me. No wonder we find note after note in the sacred stories of history telling us to remember the Highway.

Isaiah said… “A highway will be there, it will be called the Way of the God-purified-Life.” (Is. 35:8)

What is the road that I am traveling down? Where am I leading my family? I am not alone on this journey.

Jeremiah said… “Set up road signs, put up guide posts. Take note of the highway, the road that you take.” (Jer. 31:21)

I would do well to write this journey down, making note of all the healing stops along the way.

Jesus said… “But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matt. 7:14)

No wonder this trek is so difficult, it strikes against the grain of the popular life of success. This must be the True Path of Life. I long to find my community of newly freed slaves, so that we might travel together along the King’s Highway.

wisdom from the sages

The Lord travels in all directions
at once.

The Lord arrives from all directions
at once.

Wherever we are, we find that
He has just departed.

Wherever we go, we find that
He has just arrived before us.

Thomas Merton

the reluctant conversationalist

Are you supposed to speak to someone about something? Ever had the nudge on your heart like I know I should go speak to so-and-so. Do you ever have this sense that this conversation is long over due? Maybe it’s time to have this little talk.

Is it possible that future events hang in the balance while we deliberate the “right time” to have the conversation?

As we look back through the sacred narrative of God’s people, do we see any history changing conversations that almost did not take place because of mankind’s hesitation to say what needs to be said? In retrospect, it’s hard not to acknowledge the fact that we come from a long line of reluctant conversationalist. We are a people who are convinced that things will or will not somehow work themselves out. Rather than speaking the words of truth that must be said, we cower in fear of meeting face to face with these life issues for fear of discomfort and what the outcome might be.

The reluctant ancient ones:

Jacob did not want to meet face to face with his brother Esau after stealing his birthright blessing.

Joseph did not want to talk with his brothers in Egypt after they had betrayed him.

Moses questioned whether or not he could speak to Pharaoh.

Ester seemed reluctant to tell the King her true Jewish heritage.

Jonah was completely defiant in wanting to speak to the people of Nineveh.

It is amazing to think of these conversational events as somehow locked in sacred time, waiting until someone would have the courage and faith to have the talk they knew they should have with the person they know to have it with. What was waiting to happen?

Would the wound of a brother remain unforgiven?

Would the heart of a family remain broken?

Would 2 million people remain in bondage?

Would an entire people be executed?

Would a complete city be destroyed?

We now know the massive power of healing and freedom that resulted because the pioneers of faith had the conversations that needed to take place. We know the life changing potential in having the heart to heart talk with those whom we are seemingly at odds with or disconnected with. This must be the tone of the redemptive movement of the Redeemer. Hearing the Voice of the-One-who-holds-all-things-together is one thing, but having the courage to act on it is the difference between really living and barely breathing.

How can one know what to say in those intense moments? Is it possible to be guided by the divine in the conversations of our lives? Is it possible to be so in tune with the sacred rhythm of the Spirit of God to say what needs to be said? What does it look like on earth to live this way?

Jesus Christ

Conversation after conversation, Jesus always seems to “go there” with everyone he meets. Maybe that is why people were so affected by the words he said. His words seemed to shoot like arrows straight to the wounds of the heart. He was the perfect agent of restoration. His words may have seemed difficult to his hearers, but they contained the potential to set the hearer free should they allow the truth to enter into their protected personal world. His words were the balm of healing to the wounds of their soul.

So the question remains, could the words of the young disciples of Jesus contain the same power to restore the decay in the hearts of the shattered and broken? Could they release freedom for the prisoners?

How many days will pass before we bow our heads, bend our knees, and engage in the conversations that could change life as we know it?

While it is still day, may it be on earth as it is in Heaven.

missing the best part of me

The last two days Darla has been in PC with her parents and the girls so I have been home alone. Locked in our bedroom, I try to go to sleep without being startled by the littlest creek and pop. “It is not good for man to be alone,” it’s the ancient word. How true it is. I am not “good,” when I am alone. Good meaning balanced. These last couple of days I felt like I haven’t been in my right mind. Just off balance. I realize this morning as I read Proverbs 31, how incredible is it to have a wife who fears the LORD.


A good woman is hard to find, and worth more than diamonds.

She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

She’s skilled in the crafts of the home and health, diligent in homemaking.

She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.

She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

These are just a couple of characters of the one I call love. You are my wife!

yada' derek

Put GOD in charge of your work, then what you've planned will take place.

Proverbs 16:3 (The Message)

yada' derek = (knowing the way) by letting it find you [Ps. 143:8]

letting go of yesterday

Another page of the Abrahamic journey... Step one sell all your possesions. The difficult thing about this step is remembering all the amazing things God has done in the midst of us from this house. Many tender hearts have come through the doors of this house and into our lives to reveal the Great Restoration Project among us.

I have to remind myself that things are only things and that it is through people that the Divine weaves his healing dreams.

I knew the day that Chris painted the trim on the house, that one day soon we would be selling this house. I am so thankful for his act of giving to our family. His wife and family were a refuge house for us when we were wounded from the accident. Even though we are not as close as we used to be, I know that their friendship was a gift. May they know the reward for their tender care.

From family and friends to the youth we have served, we have seen so many lives transformed on the floor of our living room. I pray that this house would continue to be used to meet people where they are and help them find hope in tomorrow.

Although it is hard to say goodbye, we cannot stay here and at the same time go to the place that the One who holds all things together is leading us. May everyone who reads this story find themselves thinking towards the courage to take whatever step of faith you may sense tugging on your heart. May you know the peace of the One who is bringing all things back to the way they were originally intended to be. Amen.

a week of things coming full circle

Living in the now
when the past comes forward
so that the future can be set in motion today

I heard this message illustrated in a teaching from Rob Bell recently. I had no idea that it was going to be a life lesson that would literally be played out in my every day life.

Things come full circle
At the age of nineteen, I began my first career. It was in a men’s retail clothing chain. Along the way I made some really selfish and lazy choices. Four years later near the end of that job, I was an assistant manager in a store in Mobile, Alabama. One busy Saturday I was running the register. A lady was buying lots of back to school clothes for her kids. There was a promotional on some silk shirts buy two get them both at half price. I noticed that I had rang up just one silk shirt for her at full price. I told her to pick out one more because of the promotion. When she did, rather than ring it up, I just put it in the bag. I was lazy and didn’t want to void the whole transaction and start over. One of the other employees informed our loss prevention team at the home office. A few days later, the man from loss prevention, dressed all in black, came and interviewed all management staff. When he sat down with me, he had the sales journal tape with the transaction in question. He explained to me that I had two choices; I could stay and defend the alleged violation of which they would persecute to the full extent of the law or I could resign immediately. I choose the second.

That event caused a domino effect of things. Being newly married for only a few months, this was a deep wound at the core of my identity as a man, and as the provider for the home. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the shaping of my understanding of the character of integrity.

Yesterday, while at lunch I was journaling about how life is like a mosaic. In the middle of writing, I looked up, and the man from loss prevention walked right past me. After living for nearly 10 years with this wound, I thought to myself I am not going to let this opportunity to share with him how my journey has come full circle. When he came back by the second time, I stopped him and asked him what his name was. He did not recognize me. I told him that we had first met in Mobile a long time ago. He was amazed that I remembered him. I shared with him that I was wrapping up a rewarding career in marketing and public relations in order to go start a new mission work in Honolulu. He was very pleased that I had done well and that I was moving on to do a positive work for others. He asked if I had spoken with any of the people from Mobile. I told him that I had not but I did marry on of the assistant managers from another store, Darla. He asked if I had a picture of my family. I showed him a picture of my family that I carry in my journal. He wished me the best and went on to order his food.

This week has been a week of things coming full circle, from the wedding of my little brother, the reuniting of my family, and the remembrance of my own beginnings in marriage and friendships of the past.

The past has been brought forward so that the future may move forward today! Wow! That is absolutely crazy! I must be in life therapy lying on God’s couch. All I can say is that my soul is being restored. Amen.

the first deep wound of sacred marriage

Have you ever been faced with a really difficult question? Is it possible that many small questions make up the sum of the one larger question?

Once again I find myself in the sacred narrative of history. Abram is confronted with a life size question in the face of desperation. He has set out on the journey to leave the country that he has known, from his father’s house to go to the land that God will show him, along the way a famine forces him to go down to Egypt. Pharaoh wants to know who the beautiful woman is that he is traveling with. Realizing that if he says it is his wife, he will be killed. He answers that she is his sister. His question is “Will I trust the promise of God or will I lean on my own means of security?

I wonder how this made Sarai feel. Did she think he cares more about his own hide than our marriage? Was this the beginning of the seed of doubt for Sarai that spurred on her rebellious spirit to try and bring about the “blessing of God” (Gen 12) by her own means?
Did she think her husband was a coward in the face of uncertainty? Did she think that their future was now up to her to provide? How old is this wound? Does this wound speak to more than just Sarai? Is this a deep wound that runs though generations of wives even today?

The ripple effect of “Sarai is my sister:”
His wife is stripped away from him possibly physically violated by Pharaoh
His is left alone to wonder if she will ever come home
His wealth on account of his lie results in the division of his family (Lot)
The Egyptian maidservants provides the temptation to further his own seed (Hagar)
The implications of this span the course of the next 12 years of Abram’s life…..

Here is the question I am asking myself: Will I take into my own hands my family’s future promise or will I trust in the promise of life from the LORD?

As a man of God, will I be tempted to make a choice in order to avoid losing my life as the first great test? Will I keep sacred the bond of marriage in the face of great disparity?
How I answer that question has huge implications for the rest of my family. Will I continue to foster the first wound of marriage or will I stand and claim “she is my wife!”

Although not what God had intended, he uses all of it to bring about redemptive history. A second chance is given. How does the story end?

living in the big dream

Does God have dreams? Does He have dreams about how the world could be? Does God even sleep? If God doesn’t sleep then He must dream awake. How would it be to be dreaming while awake? Does God dream of pain and brokenness? Does God have nightmares? When He first breathed life into the dirt of the earth, did his dream become a reality to mankind? When we lay down, do we give way to the dream of God?

I am dreaming awake, excuse me while I dream. I love exploring God’s dream with others. After spending time thinking of the Big Dream, it brings me a deep joy to explore the reality of His dream that has played out for centuries and continues to linger like a beautiful vision of healing and restoration for the heavens and the earth. Whether it is one on one or in a large group, being engaged with people in an outward discussion of what is happening on the inside is the dream in my heart. It is this dream that drives me to serve him and submit to His dream.

Sharing my all with my wife and serving others together is a day in the life of my dream.

When my wife serve others with her creative gifts,
my dream continues.
When my daughters ask questions, search for answers, and come calling on my help,
my dream continues.
When broken pieces of my family are restored,
my dream continues.

When the advancements of technology become conduits for people to be connected in the best possible sense,
my dream continues.

A blank canvas is the beginning of a new dream. When I can give creative space for others to put their hands and hearts to a blank canvas,
my dream continues.
When instruments are available for the musicians to pick up and sing the song in their hearts,
my dream continues.
When I finish working in the yard and step back to see how I have joined in ordering God’s creation,
my dream continues.

What are you dreaming? Have you been sleep? Is it at the end of the day that our dreams play out the things in our normal life that we haven’t fully processed? What if you could work through the questions during the day? What if you could go to sleep in peace resting in the solace of the night? What might Psalm 37:4 mean to you in light of delighting in God’s dream? What dreams and visions might visit you?

who are these people...

What if we actually lived out this life that Jesus proclaimed was available here and now? He seemed to have a real grasp on what people who lived in the reality of the-way-God-intended-things-to-be would look like here on earth:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5

Could this be the character shape of a new kind of people living the reality of “on earth as it is in Heaven?" This profile is so much deeper than just external appearances. Not to challenge the words of Paul in 1Timothy in regards to a leader, but to give a fuller dimension of who kingdom people are on the inside. Jesus was always talking about this idea that it is not about what you do on the outside but who you are on the inside, or its not about a list of things not to do rather it is about the kind of inner shape of your character.

The word blessed in Greek does mean happy or fulfilled, but when Rabbi Jesus spoke he would have been speaking from a Hebrew understanding of the word “blessed” which was “barak.” The hearers of this message would have immediately drawn a picture in their mind of a person “bent at the knees.” The forefathers of the faith for centuries have been a people “bent at the knee” before the LORD their God, their Maker. They understood this “bent at the knee” not as as just a physical position but as an inner spiritual submission to the Way of Life or to as they called it Torah. Living Torah was living the Word of God in our current reality. This way of living was an acknowledgement of Yahweh or to put it another way “bent at the knee” was an inner attitude of worship to Yahweh expressed outwardly throughout ones whole life.

“Bent at the knee” is the condition of the heart to enter the “on earth as it is in Heaven” reality. To enter into that reality is to bring Heaven down here, or to restate it to bring the Presence of God into our current reality through the everyday activities of life. Living this kind of lifestyle we join in the restoration revolution of people who lived in the reality of the-way-God-intended-things-to-be.

“Bent at the knee” are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Bent at the knee” are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
“Bent at the knee” are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
“Bent at the knee” are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
“Bent at the knee” are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
“Bent at the knee” are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
“Bent at the knee” are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
“Bent at the knee” are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Bent at the knee” are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.


May we be “Bent at the knee” people before the LORD, our God, our Creator, and King.

collision....point of impact

What happens in a collision? What is the most intense point of impact? It is the point at which two moving masses impact into one. I think our point of impact is Love. Collaborating in creative outward expressions of Love, we engage the shattered and broken opening the door to the Merciful One who is restoring all things, and in so doing we join the deep streams of healing that flow on earth as they are in Heaven.

When the poets and the musicians celebrate together, all of creation turns its ear to hear the divine harmony. Who can resist the melody of faith, hope, and love? We stand together putting all our trust in the Father of all families knowing that he is stretching the cords of his great tent. This invisible tent stretches across generations of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, across cultural traditions, and geographical boundaries.

The Winn Family, a people of the Real Zoo, has joined hands and hearts with the people of Crash to form one community of faith.

The project of the Real Zoo is not ours but rather is guided by the One who is the Breath of Life. The truth is mobile. It goes wherever we find ourselves. Our faith is not based on our location but rather where our hearts reside. Through what can only be explained as divine intervention our location will transition from Tallahassee to Panama City (June) and finally to the Island of Hawaii (Jan-Feb 07). I guess you could say we have made the jump, we are selling all our possessions, leaving our successful careers, in order to “go.”

The pieces are beginning to fall into place. The shape of God’s project looks like a creative community of families living under one converted warehouse roof in order to share in the incredible story of love and hope expressed locally to the people of downtown Honolulu, but still reaching far beyond the island because of the transient nature of the culture and people.

This is a new chapter in the book of Life. We are so excited just to be invited to sow into a new expression of love. May we look with eyes of faith and hear with ears of compassion to the hearts of all that might enter into the narrative of Restoration.